


Empty Spaces

by PoemsForNoOne



Series: Empty Spaces [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemsForNoOne/pseuds/PoemsForNoOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how Far Mickey runs away from his past, somehow it always catches up to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting by

**Author's Note:**

> Future Fic. Please tell me what you think, I know some of it may be a little off, but I wrote it as it came to me.

It was late at night when Mickey was wiping the remaining cum off his body. Fuckin' Gross he thought to himself as he was washing off the remains of some no name guy, who was still sitting on his bed. He looked at the time on his clock and noticed it was almost 5:00 in the morning, and knew that he would be getting a decent days sleep before he started his night shift at the seedy dollar strip joint. He was cleaning up the rest of the mess he had made when the 'no name' guy tried grabbing for Mickey to pull him to bed. Probably wanted to cuddle or something gay like that.

"Get out" The harshness of the words didn't phase Mickey once he spoke them, he's said this to many no name guys before apathetically. Mickey couldn't feel bad, he had given them all fair warning what they were getting themselves into, and Mickey always had the rule of No Cuddling, No spending the night.

"You're a new kind of asshole aren't you!" Said the no name as he was gathering his things. The gayness of his voice irritated Mickey, why the fuck do they all sound the same? "You think you're so original, but you're really not. You're just like all the other ones. To stupid to realize what he's lost" Mickey just lit a cigarette and waited for him to get the rest of his shit and just leave. As he turned around and out the door, Mickey couldn't help but also realize how he walked. Like a fucking woman in heels, swaying his hips as if he was showing Mickey what he had just given up.. Pathetic. Once he was gone, he locked the door behind him, turned off his lights and went to bed.

Mickey couldn't sleep however, he sat in bed wondered what his life has become. It was better then life in Chicago; but no matter where he was he felt something inside was missing. Mickey had a stable job that he was good it, he had his own shitty apartment. He had cable and a cell phone, and a couple other luxuries. Though being a bouncer paid well enough to get by, he always had spare cash on him. Mickey made money on the side being the "Muscle" to a lot of woman from the strip club. The women would take different clients to the nearest shady motel, and earn all the money they didn't make at the club. All Mickey had to was stand outside the motel doors and listen for any screaming or shouting that was unusual and bust in, usually holding the pistol he kept in his waist band. Easiest $300 a night.

Mickey didn't spend a lot of his money, not that he was saving; but he really had no reason to. Other than paying for his rent, utilities and cell phone once a month he didnt pay for anything else. His fridge was only filled with beer and condiments, while his freezer was filled with mostly pizza bagels and chicken fingers. To him, Mickey was doing just fine. Everyday when he got home he would take the cash he earned from his back pocket, and shove it in the night stand drawer beside his bed. When he went out he would only take what he thought he needed and left the rest. Didn't even bother to count how much he had in there, the pile grew a lot in the past four and half years that he thought counting it would take to fuckin long.

The more Mickey thought about his life, the more he felt that empty whole inside him get bigger. He had money, sex, and booze but nothing quite filled that spot in him the way he had hoped. He thought about his past life, and wondered if things would be different if he was still back home in Chicago. Once he started to think about life back home, he felt his eyes get heavy and his breathe slowed down, and old memories began to lull him back to sleep.

...

_"Congratulations. Looks like you two are going to have a boy. I'll go the picture for you two, Ill be right back" The doctor had to maneuver his way around the small room to get through the door. The doctors office was small and quaint and didn't really seem like much of a clinic, but Mickey didn't expect much. When the doctor came back in he held out a picture of the baby boy that Svetlana had been carrying._

_Mickey was astonished by the size of the thing. Mickey didn't know that babies grow in the womb that fast in just 3 months. "Look at the size of that thing!" He held the picture, smiling for what seemed like to be the first time in the last month or so. "3 months, that things gonna be a monster!" He chuckled as he held the photo out for his Russian wife, then showed the doctor again in amazement._

_"Correction... He's not so much a 'monster' for a fetus that's only 3 months. He's about the right size for a fetus that's 5 months, any younger I definatley wouldn't be able to give you the gender" The doctor chuckled a little not realizing what he had just told Mickey. "Remember to take your prenatal vitamens and be sure to call me if there are any questions" The doctor held out his card and he left the room..._

_Five months? There's no way that it could have been five months. He only met her 3 months ago, and married her only a couple weeks ago. Sure, she looked a little chubby at the wedding but she hid it well. Mickey may have been an under achiever in school but he knew how to do basic math... perks of dealing and being in and out of jail, you learn how to count properly._

Mickey woke up from his dream. He wasn't in a sweat or anything, but the memory of the dream seemed to alarm him. Dodged that fuckin' bullet He thought to himself, but still trying to comprehend if the memory that came to him was either a good dream or a nightmare.

Mickey knew what a shit father he would have been if things were to be different. He knew he couldn't support a child, and would probably be in and out of its life by constantly going back to jail. When Mickey realized that the baby wasn't his, he didn't know if he felt relief or just plain pissed off at his whore wife. He knew he dodged a bullet- but by that point it seemed to have been to late.


	2. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

When Mickey looked at the time he realized he had slept a lot longer than he thought he had. It was almost 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and Mickey had a shift at 5. Getting out of bed he heard the sounds of his back and neck crack as he forced himself out. Once he lit a cigarette he was fine, he felt like he had one of the best sleeps in the world, and he wonders why he can't sleep like that every night. He hopped in the shower, and brushed his teeth and put on his cleanest pair of jeans and his work shirt. His work shirt was black, and showed dust from the floor clinging to it. "Eden's" in big red bold letters spread across his chest, and underneath read "Where even saints find their temptation". He always thought the name of the club to be a bit generic, but knowing its a run down club filled with gangsters, perverts, and cheap whores- the name seemed to make the place seem a little nicer.

When he got to the club, he went to the back to punch in- then to the front where his manager usually was. Everyday he's got him doing something new. Somedays Mickey just stands by the door checking ID's, other days he standing in the back where the 'private dancing' section is - making sure the dancers are safe from any pervert who goes in there, and somedays Mickey is left on babysitting duty. New dancers come and go from the joint all the time, sometimes Mickey's job is to stand by the stage and make sure no one unwanted goes up there while she's performing. This rule usually refferring to brothers, and dads and sometimes even boyfriends who don't like the fact that their daughter, sister of girlfriends are up there showing off their cooter for money. The pervs in here know better than to fuck with the dancers, most of them are regulars. If they don't fear the pepperspray the dancers and waitresses keep with them- then they'll definitaley fear Mickey Milkovich.

"Yo Mick. New Dancer, she's up next. You know what to do" The manager pointed in the direction of the stage. Mickey knew his manager was a scum-bag, he dressed like one and even sounded like one with his New York accent. He had a distaste for the guy, but he paid him extra for the good work he'd been doing with keeping everyone in his bar in line, so Mickey always just swallowed the distaste for him. A job's a job right?

Mickey stood by the stage, when he heard the feedback of the clubs crappy microphone come on. "Alright you horny fucks..." The announcer said jokingly to the crowd who cheered. It was getting louder in the club, a little more than it usually does when there is a new dancer on stage. " Please welcome, new to the stage... Penny-Lane" The crowd lost it, men were standing up and had their dollar bills ready when Def Leopards "Pour some sugar on me" started playing. Thats quite the name Mickey thought to himself as he stood staring at the crowd, making sure no one was getting to rowdy. Strippers never use their real names, they usually always use a variation of their first names, or come up with a brand new name that sounds sexy when it rolls off the tongue- like Dixie, or Lexxi, and in this case- Penny-Lane.

The crowd seemed a lot more crazier tonight, the dancer must be hot; but Mickey had no interest in the Dancers here. Not because they were women, but because even if he was attracted to women- the women here are strung out on something and he doesnt find beauty in sunken cheeks and wrinkled skin; especially when they're only in their 20's. Mickey rarely ever looked at the stage. When he did, it was usually because he had to deal with some drunk asshole trying to get on it.

Mickey had no interest of who was on-stage, but with the crowd getting crazier he had to be able to keep an eye on the dancer and the pervs. When Mickey looked up to see where on stage she was, he couldnt help but notice alarming. Penny-Lane was attractive alright, no doubt about it; but thats not what he noticed. Once he confirmed his suspicions he was the one to run on the stage grab the dancer by the arm and lead her away.

"What the fuck!" Shouted the crowd who were obviously disappointed.

"Yeah what the fuck!" She said as she turned around to clock Mickey right in the face.  
Mickey let out a little laugh at the girl.

"Even after all this time, you still hit like a bitch Mandy" ...

...

_"You think this is going to make everything better?" Mandy growled at Mickey as he was packing up his things in a worn out duffle-bag. "You're just going to leave?" Mandy was getting impatient, waiting for Mickey to respond. "Listen fuck face, I don't care what you do anymore- but just because you finally came to the realization that life's a bitch, that's no excuse for you to give everything up" Mandy stormed out of the room frustrated. Her brother was being an idiot, and for no good reason. Maybe the reason was that he had always been an idiot, and that he never would come to his senses. What a fucking moron, she would always think to herself. He got married thinking the kid was actually his, and now that he figures out it's not, he no longer has a reason to be here. With his marriage in the trash and no baby to worry about Mickey didn't have a reason to stay. However, Mandy could never hate her brother for leaving; in fact she was more jealous and angry that he wouldn't take her with him. She was stuck here in Chicago with nothing anymore. Lip had just broken up with her, her best friend was gone and now her brother was leaving to god knows where. All Mandy had left was her father, her stomach churned in an unnatural way thinking about being alone with him._

_Mandy followed Mickey to the front where the car had been parked. She watched him dump the duffle-bag in the trunk and slam it shut. She watched as he lit one last cigarette and she felt tears coming up to her eyes. She wanted him to stay, if not for her; then for him- her gay best friend who Mickey was in love with. Before Mickey got into the car, she grabbed him and gave him one last hug. She knew this was it, she knew by the determination and the stubbornness of her brother that he was going to be gone; maybe not for good, but for a good while. "He's going to be back you know…" She whispered in his ear while still managing to keep her arms wrapped around his neck. "So I hope you will be too" With that she let go._

_She watched as her brother drove off alone, and she felt something tear away from her. She felt her chest close up, her body tense, and her face moistened from the tears rolling down them. She felt numb, and in pain at the same time. She felt something clench inside her, and she realized that the spot where her heart used to be felt empty. Mandy felt empty._

Mandy stared directly into Mickeys eyes, and never left them for a moment; even when Mickey was pulling her off stage and into the back. She stared at him with disbelief, as if she was staring at a ghost. She watched as he grabbed a robe hanging on the coat rack and handed it to her, without looking. It was bad enough that he seen that much of her, he didn't want to see more than he already had.

"Go put some fucking clothes on" he said while looking away. This was his little sister for Christ sakes, what the hell was she thinking doing this. "You're fucking coming with me" Even looking away he could tell that she was in the midst of crying and smiling, both at the same time. "Hurry the fuck up!" He was getting annoyed, this was his place of work- what gave her the right to come here and fuck his shit up? "Ill go pull the car around meet me out back in 5" He heard her run to the dressing room, when he heard the door to the dressing room open, he knew it was safe to finally turn around.

When he opened the dividing curtain from the backstage to the bar he noticed another dancer on stage who took Mandy's place. What was she doing in a place like this anyways? She never was much of a thinker, who knows what kind of perverts, creeps and scumbags she was dealing with... Speaking of scumbags Mickey thought to himself as he watched the Manager of the club approach him, followed by one of the other bouncers.

"You tryin' to fuck up my business Mick?" Mickey couldn't help but laugh at the guy, who truly failed at being intimidating. "You fuck with me Mick, I'll fuck with you" He walked forward until he was two inches away from Mickeys face. "You go get that dancer, get her back on stage and get your ass back to work" Mickey didn't respond, he just stared at the guy waiting. Waiting for him to set him off enough to lay him out in front of everybody at the club. Waiting for him to take one step closer into Mickeys face.

"No way in hell she's going back up there. Get one of your other cracked out sluts to do her job. She's coming with me" There will be no fight today, Mickey thought as he pushed his way around the scumbag manager.

"Think again Mick" Mickey turned around to face him. The Manager lit a cigarette, trying to be suave about the whole thing; as if he was trying to look as if he were part of the mafia "You see Mick, I could get another slut out there, but you and I both know that not one of my girls look like that. I own them, and I own you." Mickey felt his face get red and he almost lost it, but he kept his cool- waiting, still waiting for the right moment to teach this asshole a lesson or two.

Just then the manager nodded his head as if it were a signal for the bouncer in the back to do something. Mickey waited to see how the rest of this scene played out. He felt his fists clench and his face burn. He was ready to pounce on this fucker at any minute. It wasn't until he seen the bouncer come out forcing Mandy from the back, watching her kick and punch the guy that he had finally lost it. It was ready to teach these assholes a lesson.

Lesson One: Nobody owns Mickey Milkovich.

Lesson Two: Never fuck with his family.


	3. Hardened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter may seem a bit longer than the others. but I didnt know where to cut

Red… That's the only color Mickey seen. If it were possible to feel the color, then that's how exactly he had been feeling. He felt crunching of bones, not sure whether they were of his fists, or of the poor fuckers face that he had been hitting them with. Mickey could hear screaming in the background, but the sounds were muffled, as if he was listening to them underwater. He felt something hard and glass like hit the side of his temple, and he could feel blood dripping down from his face, but that still didn't stop him. Mickey turned into a beast, he watched as his blood dripped down onto the unconscious bouncer on the floor, really unable to make out whose blood was whose. The poor guy didn't have a chance. He barely got a hit in before Mickey jumped on the guy for touching his sister. It wasn't until he felt something stab the side of his leg that his surrounds begun to get clearer.

Mickey had finally came to, and seen he was covered in blood. He looked down at the sharp feeling in his leg and seen that there was a pocket knife sticking out of it. NO FUCKING WAY, He thought as he pulled the thing out. He pulled himself up, and seen that the bar had been emptied out. No dancers no perverts, just the unconscious bouncer and the manager who seemed to be staring at Mickey in disbelief. Mandy stood beside Mickey, not really seemed to be phased by the whole thing; she seen this stuff a lot, more than any girls her age should have. Mandy grabbed a staggering Mickey and helped him walk out. She helped him take off his shirt so he could use it for the stab wound. Before they left Mickey turned to the scumbag and ordered him to pay him what he was owed for working. Without hesitation the manager agreed, giving him a couple hundred bucks, and turned to attend to the unconscious guy who lay on the floor.

When they got to the car, Mandy took the keys from Mickey and helped Mickey into the passenger's side. Mickey didn't argue, he didn't think he would be much use driving. The stab wound hurt like a bitch, but it wasn't fatal; just a flesh wound, put some rubbing alcohol on it, get Mandy to stitch it up- it would be healed in no time. They sat in the car not talking for a while; they just played the radio while Mandy just drove. It wasn't until Mickey realized that Mandy had no idea where he lived, and that they were just driving aimlessly through New York.

"You're going the wrong way, my place is back there." Mickey said as he shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Mandy didn't seem to have heard. She just looked straight ahead, and continued on. "Are you listening to me? You're going the wrong way" Mandy glanced over at Mickey, just to acknowledge that she had heard him- but she still did not turn the car around.

"You could have killed the guy. What the fuck were you thinking Mickey?" She finally spoke, but she still didn't take her eyes from the road. "I can take care of myself… You could get into a lot of trouble and then you would be gone for good! Does that not get through to you at all" That was his sister alright, always on his ass about something. "Mickey, What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Her voice remained calm, but very cool. So cool that he felt shivers go up and down his spine as she spoke. Mandy was still his fragile little sister, but something inside her had change dramatically. He could tell she was hardened, he could tell by her eyes and the way she spoke that she wasn't as fragile as she once was. Not that she was particularly fragile, she was a strong fighter and could be just as mean as the rest of the Milkovich's. However, Growing up with her he knew that she had a soft, innocent side to her- one that seemed to be always caring for other people and never just herself, the side that he loved her unconditionally for. "WELL!" She snapped impatiently at Mickey who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with YOU! You're a fucking stripper now? Next thing you know you're going to tell me that you're a hooker too!" Mickey snapped back, if Mandy was going to bitch about him saving her ass, he sure as hell was going to bitch about his sister shaking her ass for coin.

"I'm a hooker too…" Mandy said calmly still keeping her eyes directly on the road, and away from her brother.

"WHAT THE FUCK... AND YOU'RE TRYING TO ACT HIGH AND MIGHTY AROUND ME? GO FUCK YOURSELF; DROP ME OFF AT MY PLACE AND GO HOME!" Mickey was pissed, what the hell happened to his sister. Was life back home in Chicago that bad that his baby sister's life lead to stripping and prostitution.

"I do it to survive Mick. It's not like I stand on street corners and hope for a John to come pick me up for a $20 lay…" She continued "And you say go back home like I have a fucking choice, Mickey… There is no home to go back to" She was silent for a minute, she could tell Mickey didn't want to hear the story- she could tell that bringing up Chicago was hard for Mickey. Bringing up any old shit was always hard for him. Mickey had a talent to suppress shit and run away from them, he never knew how to deal. Mandy didn't care that home bothered him; she knew if there was any way to get through to her brother it was to tell him the things that he didn't want to hear the most. Even if it meant he would potentially run away from her again.

...

"A lot has changed in the time you've been gone Mickey… Too much" As the words came out, he could tell this was just as hard for her to say as it was for him to listen. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain in his leg and in his gut. He had a feeling that what she was about to say was going to hurt a lot more than any stab wound would.

She took her eyes off the road to look at Mickey, who was staring intently back at her. Returning her eyes back on the road she continued. "It was really hard when you left. I didn't think I was going to care as much as I did, but for some fucking reason I did…"

"You were a big girl, you didn't nee…" before he could finish Mandy was quick to cut him off.

"No Mick, let me talk" She continued. "It was hard without you… With Lip off to MIT and Ian just fucking off to the army like that…" Ian, Mickey hadn't heard that name is so long. He forced the names Ian and Gallagher out of his head; he didn't want to think about the redhead. He felt his stomach flip upside down once she said his name and he tried really hard to erase that from his memory. "I was alone. No, more importantly. I was alone with… him" She looked over at her brother who she hoped would know what she was talking about; He did. He chose to ignore it; he didn't know how to deal with his own problems with his father, let alone her problems. "I took off a year or so after you did. I couldn't be in that house anymore. With you gone it felt so empty" It looked as if she was about to cry, but she was good at swallowing the pain that would begin to surface; A trait she learned from her brother. "Even with Svetlana still living there, It didn't feel right anymore. You know?" Mandy took a pause and looked over at her brother, who seemed to be holding his focusing more on Mandy than his leg.

"Svetlana still lived there, even after I left? Did Dad ever find out… about, the baby?" Asking that question seemed to be more painful saying out loud, than it did when Mickey asked it in his head.

"Yes, quite a while after actually- I was just getting to that" She refocused her attention to driving before she continued. "When I left I was doing some driving around the city. I had over a thousand dollars saved up from working for dad, not much over a thousand- but still enough to get the fuck out of the house. At first I tried to find an apartment, but nobody wanted to rent to an 18 year old- but I really think once owners in the neighbourhood seen my last name was Milkovich that brought up many red flags… Eventually I found a cheap place, not much to it- It was just one giant bedroom with no stove just a hotplate. It was a funny feeling living on my own, kind of gave me a sense of freedom you know? Even though the place was cheap and a run down to hell, I found comfort in it… I was looking for work, something legit but with my lack of experience my options were limited." She noticed Mickey light up a smoke as she was talking and she was quick to grab it from his hands to take a puff. "The month was ending and I needed a way to pay the next month's rent. The amount I had barely covered the deposit and first month. That's when I was frantically looking around for work; I was going to take anything that came my way. I even contemplated running drugs for dad... And that's when I bumped into Lana."

"Lana…" Mickey scoffed "You and her became bestie's? My sister my ex-wife, go figure"

"Despite what you think of her, she was a good woman" Mandy handed the cigarette back over to Mickey whose legs seemed to have stopped bleeding, not that it lost a lot of blood, but enough to stain the passenger's seat. "She got me a job at the spa, and I thought it was the easiest job I have ever done… I mean I fucked men I didn't like for a lot less, I don't know why it didn't occur to me to take it up as a profession before" Mickey shuddered at the thought of his sister fucking some random dudes, it was okay for any other woman to do it, but never Mandy. "Anyways, I worked there for a couple months. Rent was always paid, and I was even beginning to save up money again. I wasn't saving for anything particular, but it was nice knowing I had that little extra bit of cash on me, you know? Just in case things went to the shitter" Mickey knew exactly what she was talking about, thinking about the pile of cash he has just sitting there in his nightstand. "I was getting by just fine, but something just didn't feel right inside me. It was like no matter how much money I had just sitting there, or no matter if I finally got my own place it was never enough" the words burned through Mickey, as if she was replaying his whole life back to him.

Mandy seen that the gas was getting low she so decided to pull up to the next gas station to fill up. Luckily the gas station was 7/11 and they sold more than just chips, pop and gas there. She knew there would be an aisle for toiletries like tampons, cotton swabs and hopefully rubbing alcohol. Mickey waited for his sister to return and focused his attention to his leg, which seemed now to only burn and sting. He looked down at it and noticed that it wasn't very deep at all, a mere scratch. Obviously no vein or artery was punctured, just skin and his flesh that went deep into his leg. He looked up and seen that Mandy was approaching the car with some chips and pop and a couple other food items. She must have been reading his mind because Mickey didn't realize that he was starving.

When Mandy got back into the car she put everything in the back, except for cotton swabs and the rubbing alcohol she wanted. She ripped Mickeys open in that area to get a closer look at the wound. She cleaned up the dried blood around it, and proceeded to clean it with the rubbing alcohol and cotton swabs. Mickey let out a gasp as he felt the sting of the alcohol burn through his leg. When she was done she pulled out a tube of Pollysporin and applied it to the open gash.

"Don't be such a wimp!" She told him as she finished applying the last bit of ointment. "The asshole barely got through the first two layers of skin, you don't even need to go to the hospital or be stitched up. She begun to start the car again, and she could tell her brother was sitting a little bit more comfortably beside her. She could tell he wanted to hear more so she continued on..

"Anyways, so after a while I got bored. I sometimes went to the Gallagher house to help out with Fiona. Turned out she didn't really need my help. Turned out Lip didn't take his position at MIT, so the only person they were missing was Ian. I did however end up helping Debbie with her daycare on occasion, but after a while I didn't feel right being there. I don't know which house felt emptier, the Gallagher's without Ian- or ours without you." She knew what bringing up his name would do to him, but she deemed it necessary. "It felt like all I had left was work, but even that didn't last very long… One day when I went in for my shift, I realized Lana wasn't there… I knew something was up because she never missed a shift, her Russian work ethic is crazy" Mandy started to feel a little more sad about the situation and took a breathe before she continued. "She was found dead a few days later… she was strangled to death" Mandy looked sad as she remembered her once friend Svetlana. "The baby of course was taken into child protective services" Mickey had almost forgotten about the baby until she mentioned it again. He remembered his dream the other night. It wasn't so much a dream, but a memory he dreamt about, about the baby not even being his.

"Did they find out who did it?" Mickey asked, curious to know who killed his ex-wife. He didn't know her very well, but he still felt a sting of guilt when he thought about how someone could so cruelly strangle a woman. She asked for it he supposed, working in that kind of business you're bound to deal with creeps; after tonight he knew that all too well.

"Yes they did... And he's been charged with 25 to life" Mickey looked at her waiting for her to continue.

"Well who was it? Anyone we know?"

"Yes… Mickey" she said she looked over at him once before she answered. "It was dad"


	4. Puzzle Pieces

Mickey sat in silence for the rest of the ride back to his apartment. He tried to comprehend what Mandy had just told him, but the information didn't quite register to him yet. Yes; He may not have loved her, but she didn't deserve that. A sting of guilt struck Mickey but not because his ex-wife was dead, but because he felt he was partly responsible. He always knew his father was a demented sociopath but he had no idea to what extent it would go. Terry could spare the female pedophile that lived in his neighbourhood, but he couldn't spare Russian hooker that he had set his own son up with? What the fuck happened while he was gone. He had no time to grieve for Svetlana, he wasn't even sure if he felt sad about the whole thing, almost as if everything with his father, and his wife was so long ago; it was like it had never even happened.

It happened though. The wedding, the baby, the Russian, the red haired boy who seemed to be the center of it all… It all happened. All Mickey felt was a strong feeling of disconnect, like the already empty hole inside of him somehow grew into something bigger, and emptier and colder. Mandy being here didn't help the situation at all; her presence totally changed everything in the new life he had made for himself. Why couldn't she have just stayed away? Why out of all the sleazy strip joints in all of New York she just happened to show up at his? Mickey felt empty alright, but with every passing minute that he stayed by his sister he felt the big empty space slowly become smaller. He felt like the emptiness became a little more full, and the coldness warm up. Maybe not all the way, and not as much as he'd like- but he felt the change regardless.

He would never admit this to her. He would never admit his life was like one giant fucking jigsaw puzzle. He would never admit that he felt defeated on more than one occasion trying to put all the pieces together. He definitely wouldn't admit that she was one of the pieces he was searching for, for the past four and half years. He was slowly finding every piece, but there were too many missing. He didn't mind being the puzzle that wasn't perfect, the puzzle that everybody stares at in amazement once complete. Mickey had a "What you see is what you get" approach; he had it his whole life. If his life were a jigsaw puzzle, he'd have missing pieces everywhere- if nobody liked it? They could go fuck themselves.

Mickey looked over at his sister who was steering the wheel with one hand, while smoking a cigarette with the other. He knew that his sister could be just as stubborn as himself. Even if he wanted to get rid of his sister (which he hasn't quite figured out if he wanted to or not) he couldn't. They somehow found one another, with all the odds against them; somehow here they are. Mandy was going to put up one helluva fight if he tried to leave her now, so he decided not even to bother.

However, Mickey knew that no matter how comfortable he had become in New York- this was no place to continue doing whatever the fuck he was doing. Maybe they can start over in Las Vegas or Los Angeles? He could be by his sister's side and make sure she doesn't continue to do anything stupid like stripping or hooking. Though she's the legal age to do whatever the fuck she wants, he knew that there were so many creeps and assholes in this world that he had to protect what family he had left… Okay, well he had other siblings too- but none he felt he needed to protect.

When they arrived at Mickey place, Mandy went straight for the fridge knowing that there would be beer inside. As she took one out and handed one to Mickey she turned over to him.

"So… Where to now?" She asked as if she had been reading his mind in the car. Mickey thought long and hard about what his next move was going to be, but he knew for certain that he wanted to sleep.

"Let's get some sleep. You can have the bed, I'll take the couch" he said as he pointed to his worn out mattress.

"And when we wake up tomorrow?" She asked again, waiting for Mickey to say the words she already knew he was going to say.

"And first thing tomorrow… We head back for Chicago"

...

That night Mickey didn't have troubles sleeping, he realized that he slept best when he thought and dreamt about his memories of Chicago. That night he had his memories sleeping on the mattress in his bedroom. When they woke up the next morning, they both felt so refreshed and revived and alive. Their sleep deprivation was cured somehow by each other's presence, and if felt good to finally have energy to do whatever needed to be done. Mickey's leg still stung and he went to the bathroom to shower, and to reapply the rubbing alcohol and pollysporin. When he was done he seen that his sister had already thrown Mickeys things into the worn out duffle bag he had left home with. She looked around to see if there was anything else they needed, before finally concluding that they were ready to go. She grabbed the bag and was leading Mickey out the door before he stopped her.

"Hold on, just one more thing" Mickey went to his nightstand drawer and pulled out wad after wad of money. Some bills were hundreds, but the stack of cash consisted of mostly 20's and 50's, and some loose change Mickey had thrown in there. Once he put it all together he handed it over to his sister.

"You hold onto that, I'll drive" Mickey grabbed the keys from her. When he turned around to close the door, he took one last long look at the life he was leaving. He was leaving this life, to go back to the one he was running away from. He questioned this because it's not like they were going anywhere special, just back to Chicago; where his demons waited for him. He was Exhausted, not from fatigue- but from running from those fucking demons who seems to burn him from the inside. He was getting to old for this shit; he didn't want to run anymore. More importantly, he didn't want Mandy to run with him. He knew that no matter where they went, demons would follow them anywhere, and eventually both he and his sister would have to face them… So why not face them in Chicago?

When they got in the car Mandy counted the cash Mickey had given her. He took at the crumpled bills and straightened them nicely, piled them one on top of another and folded it into one neat, fad wad of cash.

"8,000" she said as she put the money in her purse "Let's go back to the Motel I was staying at, I have to pick up my things and I have about $2,000 to pick up as well" Mickey agreed, and took her back to the Motel. He tried not to think that this Motel was one of the Motels that Mickey was sent to when one of the strippers decided to make more money on the side, but needed his protection. Mandy was only carrying a backpack of stuff and she just threw it in the backseat and signalled for him to drive. She stared at the window looking at the life she had made for herself disappear in the distance. She put the money she had into her purse. "10,000 total" She commented as she was proud of the amount that burned a hole in her purse. "Where did you get all the dough Mick?"

"I dunno, I guess I just didn't buy a lot" He shrugged. He was surprised by the number as well, but he figured it was about right since a lot of it's been just sitting in there since he moved here four and a half years ago. When he thought about how he had started out in New York, he was curious to know how Mandy ended up there too. "So how'd you end up in New York?" He finally asked wanting answers, but also asking so there would be no awkward silence on the drive back.

She continued her story from when Svetlana died, and Terry spending the rest of his life behind bars. How her other brothers fucked off somewhere. They took off after posting bail for drug and battery related charges. She continued on like this, about the family and her apartment, work. Small talk really, enough to cover the first hour of conversation.

"That's great and all, but how'd you end up in New York?" Mickey asked cutting through all her bullshit.

"Once dad was in jail, I decided I might as well move back into the house. Surprisingly nobody gave a shit about foreclosing it or repossessing it since the head of the household was incarcerated and all… I had the whole house to myself, No dad or Iggy or anybody else for that matter telling me what to do. It seemed like a sweet deal at first, I just had to keep up with the power bill and I was golden" She continued about the house for a bit before finally returning back to the question. "But It felt to empty and unused. It was like I only had wasted space, and I'd find myself waiting for somebody, anybody to stumble through drunk or high; But nobody came" He knew exactly what she was talking about, the insides of his body felt the same; like a big empty space that was just left unused. Wasted space as Mandy put it. "Anyways, so I went back to the Gallagher house to see if Debbie needed help with daycare; and that's when I saw Lip, with another girl. It shouldn't have bothered me as much as it would, but it still hurt you know? It was like another part of me, even if it were an inactive part- leave me too" Once again Mickey knew that all to well. He thought about Lips little brother Ian, and how he felt when Ian abandoned Mickey, leaving for the army.

"So I grabbed my things, took the Saturn and drove. I didn't end up in New York right away, I actually had just gotten there before I seen you. I don't even recall where I have been to be honest, for about 2 and a half years I've just been going to different places and then leaving. I guess I was just looking for a place that would give me one good reason to stay" When he thought about it, Mickey assumed that Mandy had found her reason, her reason was what had pulled her off the stage in New York.

"Stripping was totally new at first, but it wasn't much different from working at the spa. You give the guys what he wants, but you charge him a hell of a lot for it. Clubs would hire me almost instantly, Sure I was only 18-19 at the time, but I found clubs that would look past the fake ID and let me work there. Guess none of the girls my age looked like they were my age. Consequences of meth I suppose" Mickey laughed, he thought about the girls who were Mandy's age at the bar he worked at, and knew what she meant. "I lost track of time. I missed a couple of my own birthdays because that's how lost I was in my movements… Then somehow, I made it to New York. Found a bar that would hire me, and was ready to work... And well, you know the rest" Mickey couldn't believe tragic her story sounded, he once again felt guilt inside him build as he thought that she ended up this way because of him. Mickey was sure there were parts she was leaving out, but Mickey was content with what she had told him.

He had no idea how much time had passed when he noticed the sign ahead, indicating that they were entering Chicago.


	5. Haunted Houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the Milkovich home...

Exhausted, Mickey and Mandy pulled up to their old house late in the evening. When both Mandy and Mickey stared at the house before stepping inside, they couldn't help but notice it stared back. The house seemed as if it were haunted, haunted with the ghosts of everyone who stepped foot in it, haunted with the bad memories they both ran away from. Mickey would never show anyone that being around this house gave him shivers down his spine, and that if anything were to scare the shit out of him; it would be this house. Mickey had to be the strong one; he had to be for his sister who looked so scared and timid when they were pulling up.

Mickey opened the door, it hadn't been locked. He looked around the house to see if there were any squatters or bums living inside, but all he found was dust; Dust everywhere. Nothing seemed out of place, the furniture and rugs were exactly where they were before. The neighbourhood must had known not to mess with the Milkovich house, maybe because they too felt it was haunted- or that a Milkovich just might find out about it and do something about it. It was surreal to see the house like this after so many years. Mickey carried Mandy's things to her old room and just threw her bag of stuff on the old mattress. When Mickey went to his room he took a deep breath before opening up the door. If everything was as it was before, how did his room look?

He closed his eyes and walked in. Not sure if he wanted to open them just yet, but the smell of his old room lingered; even after all this time. He opened his eyes, but his room was by far way different than he remembered it being; but then he remembered why. He had forgotten that after he and Svetlana got married she had redecorated the room, taking away all of his Nazi paraphernalia and hanging some of her own things around the room. He saw her old house coats hanging, and a plush pink pillow sitting on the bed; if this house wasn't haunted by memories, it sure hell was haunted by Svetlana.

Mickey got out of his nostalgic daze as soon as Mandy stepped into the room. She stood beside him in silence before finally speaking

"I didn't have it in me to get rid of either of you guy's things. I was convinced you were never coming back, and obviously Lana will never be back. I couldn't let go of the things that kept both you here with me" Mandy looked around the room, she remember the emptiness she felt when she was living here alone, but it somehow seemed to be a little faded with Mickey standing here with her.

"I was only married to Lana for a couple weeks before I left. You couldn't throw out her stuff then?" Mickey asked trying to forget about the time he was even married.

"YOU were only with her for a couple weeks. You left, you didn't know her long. I was with her until she died, that was a whole year and half after" Mandy was getting angry with her brother, she didn't know why he was being so cruel about her old friend. She was really close to punching him, but Mickey gave a sigh of understanding; though he didn't like it, he understood.

"The house can't stay like this" Mickey quickly changed the subject, not because he didn't want to keep talking about his Ex-wife, but because he knew that if something didn't change both he and Mandy would be swallowed alive by the walls, memories, and regrets and all the things they couldn't change.

...

It took them a whole week to rearrange everything in the house. Mickey was never one for cleaning, but he scrubbed floors, dusted, and vacuumed until everything was different. When Mandy watched him clean she tried to pinpoint what he was trying to wash the house of; the dirt that stained the floor, or the bad memories that stained his mind. When they were finally finished they were in shock, this was no longer the Milkovich house; this was something completely different. They turned the house upside down; nothing was in its original place anymore, and everything was clean.

They both relaxed on the couch playing their old video games, and eating pizza they had ordered the night before. It wasn't until later when they got hungry that Mickey reached for his phone to order yet another pizza, Mandy looked at him in disgust. Pizza for the past week would get old fast, and they hadn't actually been out of the house since they had gotten there. Of course Mickey protested going out for dinner, he didn't want to pay for the services of people who hated him. He was a Milkovich after all, and any restaurant around here would guarantee spit in their food. Mickey just gave Mandy a couple dollars to go pick something up from the store, he would cook it here.

Mickey sat around the house waiting for his sister to get back, he flipped through the channels, he played some video games but he was becoming a little stir crazy. He had even cleaned up a little and did the few dirty dishes in the sink. He looked at the time and he realised Mandy had been gone well over an hour. How long does it take to run to the store? Mickey was starving, and his sister was taking her sweet ass time. It was things like this that made Mickey glad he wasn't into chicks; no guy would ever do this. However, it was because all guys Mickey had been with he would have only been with for a short period of time. Mickey had never been in serious relationship with anybody in New York, just men who he fucked and would later dispose of. Even the Men who were all the things that Mickey wanted in a guy, he would soon find reasons why he didn't want them. Too tall, too short, too blonde, too gay, nothing was ever going to be good enough for him. Though he always found excuses as to why things would never work out, it all boiled down to one fact and one fact only: No one was ever going to be Ian Gallagher.

The red-haired boy burned through Mickeys mind, and being in this house wasn't helping. It didn't help that the couch in the living room was the same one they fucked on before they had gotten caught from Terry. It didn't help that the bedroom in which they fucked multiple times in, was the same one that they were in when Gallagher said his final goodbye to Mickey, before leaving for the army. None of it helped, and he soon questioned his return to this house. The walls were speaking to him but the only thing he could make out was "Gallagher".

Ian Gallagher was the asshole who left and took part of Mickey with him; the best part. The part that let Mickey realize who he was and be okay with it, the same part that let him be himself and be okay with it. He hated Gallagher for that, he hated him for taking away and keeping another piece to his fucked up jigsaw puzzle. He hated him for the empty feeling he has when he thinks of him, and hates him for not allowing him to fill it with random sex with strangers. He doesn't want to feel like this again, and he doesn't want to feel like this now. Even after 4 and a half years the red haired boy still runs circles in his mind and all Mickey can do is wait until he tires out.

"About fucking time!" Mickey shouted as Mandy walked through the front door. "What the fuck took you so long?"

Mandy didn't say anything as she stood by the open doorway. Mickey just turned his back and was heading for the Kitchen when he heard a voice that didn't belong to Mandy.

"Hey Mick" Maybe he was hearing things, maybe he was hallucinating, perhaps the walls were still talking. Whatever the reason was, when Mickey turned around he looked straight into the eyes the red-haired boy who branded Mickeys heart years ago.


	6. Answers

Mandy and Ian sat in the living room, laughing and catching up. They were drinking a bottle of vodka between the two of them while Mickey isolated himself in the kitchen cooking. His heart was racing so fast and his palms were beginning to sweat, why it is that after all these years Gallagher still has the ability to make Mickey lose all control over himself? Mickey didn't want to join in on the little reunion going on in the other room, but he really didn't feel like cooking so he put some frozen pizza bagels on a pan and threw them in the oven. He knew there was an old bottle of scotch laying around here somewhere he just forgot where he had put it. He finally found it in his room and without hesitation took one long gulp of it before attempting to join the other two… Just not yet. He wasn't ready to face Gallagher after all these years. How would their conversations go? Hey, I haven't stopped thinking about you for the past 4 and a half years, ever since the day you fucked off to the army leaving me here. What a smug asshole, coming into his home and acting like nothing had happened between them. Mickey hated talking about feelings and shit, but it's been so long Mickey wants some fucking answers- needed them, especially if he were to ever move on and get him out of his head once and for all. Mickey was furious at the fact that he was here, so mad that he was sitting on the couch, and mad that he was drinking vodka that Mickey had most likely paid for. He wasn't going to give Gallagher the time of day, it's not like he did the same for Mickey before he fucked off to the army.

He went to go get the pizza bagels out of the oven when he heard the door knock again. Mandy was here, she could get the fucking door; Mickey sure as hell wasn't going to play doorman to his sister and Gallagher. Debbie Gallagher walked in, she still looked as innocent as ever but man did she grow. Puberty has done her well, Mickey thought to himself. He could tell she wasn't into drinking, smoking or doing drugs and it showed on her youthful face. She must have been around 17 now, taller, slimmer with a little less freckles then she had before, she was beautiful- even for being gay he could see that she was extremely attractive.

"Mandy, I heard you were back!" She ran up to his sister and gave her a big hug. There was something so beautiful in the way she smiled, and the way she talked. Her hair had grown and fallen nicely on her shoulders, her smile was big and her eyes shined a brighter blue than any sapphire could shine. Mickey was hypnotized by Debbie Gallagher and he had no idea why. "So tell me everything! Are you staying for good?" Mandy smiled a smile that he knew hadn't crossed her face in a really long time. She looked over at Mickey before looking back at Debbie.

"Yeah, I think so Debs" and she wrapped her arms around the younger Gallagher girl who seemed to be overjoyed with her answer. It was like no time had passed between the two of them, and Mickey could see that Mandy was like the older sister that Debbie never had. Of course she had her older sister Fiona Gallagher, but she was like a mom to her; she was the mother to all of them including Ian. The laughter in the living room grew, a new sense of happiness filled the air and it seemed to have burned the inside of Mickey's nose. He was happy for his sister being happy again, but he wanted no part of it, he would much rather go to his room and hide away from it all. He wasn't a pessimist, he was a realist and realistically this was never going to last- it never does. He sat on his bed trying to drown out the chatter going on in the other room with more alcohol but the more he drank the louder they became.

It was getting late and Mandy had offered to walk Debbie home, no girl who looked as good as that should ever walk home alone in this neighbourhood. This was a good thing though; now that Ian and Debbie were leaving Mickey could finally think. He was a little bit buzzed off the scotch, but that was okay because it numbed him and warmed him up a little, he didn't have to think about the stupid Gallagher's but instead he thought about what kind of trouble he wanted to get into that night. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door when he realized that Ian was standing in the doorway of his bedroom.

"How long you been standing there Gallagher?" Mickey looked a little confused and embarrassed, trying to remember if he had done anything stupid in the last 5 minutes.

"A minute or two" the red head responded, trying to keep his eyes off Mickey.

"Well why the fuck didn't you say anything?"

"Had nothing to say" Typical Ian Gallagher always seemed to piss him off somehow.

"Okay, well now you're blocking the doorway" He successfully shoved passed him and made it to the front door. He put on his shoes and made it out the door before Ian caught up.

"Where you headed?" He asked following a couple steps behind.

"Does it matter?"

"No. Can I come?" He knew there was no way to get rid of Gallagher so he just let him follow. They walked aimlessly on the streets of Chicago not saying a word to each other. Mickey could feel Ian's eyes on him the entire time but chose not to say anything because he preferred the silence. He had no idea if he was angry or confused that Ian was here, didn't know if he wanted him to stay or to leave but either way something felt wrong about it, but at the same time something felt so right. They walked in silence for about an hour before finally deciding to stop at a familiar place; the dugout.

Mickey sat down looking onward, he watched Ian through his peripherals lean up against the fence across from him looking in his direction. Nothing was said for minutes until it was finally Mickey who broke the silence.

"Glad to see you're still breathing" He said as he exhaled smoke from his nostrils and handed the cigarette to Ian, like how they used to years ago.

"I could say the same for you Mick" Gallagher hadn't lost his sarcasm, still the same smartass he always was.

"Yeah I didn't go to another country to get shot at by choice"

All the questions that Mickey wanted answered earlier were surfacing and he knew that they weren't just going to shoot the shit; he knew they were going to have the conversations that he hated so much. Not that he hated them with Gallagher, he just hated talking about feelings in general. With Gallagher it somehow turned into an argument and Mickey never wanted to leave an argument, especially if there was a good chance of him winning. "You're a real dumbass you know, for leaving"

"Once again, I could say the same for you" Smug bastard, is that really all he has to say for himself?

"Whatever man, I had the option of coming back. "

"So did I"

"Barely. You could have come home in a box, but you fucked off anyways"

"So did you" Annoyed by the repetitive back and forth Mickey had enough.

"Is that all you're going to say? If that's all you have to say I would much rather you didn't talk at all"

"And miss the chance to piss you off?" Ian laughed lightening up the mood a little before his grin slowly faded into pursed lips. "What do you want me to say? You're not the type to chit chat and small talk. I don't know what to say"

"So then why'd you follow me?"

"Why did you let me? You could have told me to stay away and I would have listened. I guess I'm here for the same reason you are"

"And what's that Gallagher?"

"To get answers"

Mickey couldn't stay angry, he wasn't even sure if he was. He was just extremely stubborn and wanted to be able to talk to Ian so bad but the time held a barrier against the two of them.

"What do you want to know" Mickey tried to be calm about the whole thing but his insides were doing backflips, after all these years here he was with Ian fucking Gallagher in a spot that they had deemed just for the two of them.

"Why'd you leave?"

"No reason to stay, why did you?

"Same… Where's your child?"

"Turns out the kid wasn't even mine" Just then Ian looked up as if Mickey had just said something magical. Ian looked up at Mickey, with apologetic eyes- eyes that wished he hadn't left so many years ago because then perhaps things would be different between the two of them now. It's until he asked one question that Mickey looks up at him the same way.

"Did you love me?" Mickey wanted to say yes, but even after all these years he couldn't find out how to say it. So instead, Mickey got up grabbed the red haired boy by his face and pull him in for a kiss. The kiss wasn't forced, he used a bit of tongue and it was gentle- the kind of kiss Mickey wanted for a long time but was too afraid of what it might have meant, the kind of kiss that no man in New York had ever experienced with Mickey. When he pulled away he looked into Ian's eyes which seemed to sparkle in the moonlight. He remembered why he thought Debbie was so beautiful when she visited earlier; it was because she had the striking resemblance of her older brother.


	7. Confrontation

They didn't have sex that night; they just stared at each other with their foreheads pressed against each other. He had no idea what had gotten into him, when did Mickey Milkovich ever become this gay? Romance definitely was not his strong suit but in this moment he didn't care that he wasn't good at being romantic, he only cared that after all these years he was standing here with the only person in the world who can make Mickey angry and happy at the same time. Mickey felt like he had found another missing puzzle piece and he was sure as hell going to make sure he doesn't lose it again.

It was Ian who lead the kiss the second time, he lifted his hand up until it was holding Mickeys cheek. He brushed his thumb against it looking directly into Mickeys pale blue eyes before placing his lips on his. Ian was taller than Mickey but that didn't matter, and they both didn't care how stupid they looked. Mickey didn't care if he looked like a bitch because he was, in this moment Ian Gallagher had him wrapped around his finger; he was all his. They both sat back down on the bench and Ian rested his head on Mickey's chest, they were in no rush to go anywhere. They just sat there until the night sky turned a light blue indicating that it was morning, they had been there all night.

They both walked home before the morning sun begun to rise, both knowing all too well that the women of the household were going to hound them with questions. Mickey held the red heads hand as they discreetly walked in silence down each Chicago Street. Mickey didn't mind the silence or the fact that neither of them spoke, he was never a man of too many words and he liked the fact that Ian was okay with it. Mickey would never admit it to the red head but he almost felt like a smitten little school girl being around him after all this time. He had no idea what power this boy had over him but he felt like he was under his spell, more so now than he had 4 and a half years ago. Mickey occasionally glanced over at Ian only to see him staring down at his feet. The boy looked like he had so much to say, and he was going to burst out at any moment, but he kept it all inside. Mickey wasn't one to pry but he was extremely curious about what the boy was thinking.

Boy… The word boy always came to his mind when he looked at Ian. Boy was what he was when they first hooked up, it was what he was when they were sort of together, and it was what he was when he left to the army. Ian was no longer a boy anymore; he was a man or close to being one. He was 21 now- Mandy's age; but it's not his age that made him seem older, it was his eyes that reflected the pain and images that nobody his age should have seen in his lifetime. He grew a little too- his body wasn't as scrawny as it used to be. Muscles subtly grew out his arms, chest, back and shoulders and Mickey couldn't help but notice as they seemed to show through his t-shirt.

"So you wanna come back to my place?" Mickey asked hoping Ian would say yes.

"Can't, I have to work today. I want to get a couple hours of sleep in before I go" Ian yawned. Mickey knew that they were close

When they reach Ian's doorstep, Mickey watched Ian walk up the stairs and into the house before he headed back to his own place. He had fallen asleep almost instantly as soon as he collapsed on his bed and he couldn't help but have the memories Gallagher swarm his mind and haunt his dreams.

…..

_"You call me a punk for wanting a boyfriend or whatever, but you're going to marry someone who SCREWS GUYS FOR A LIVING!"_

_"Who gives a shit, it's a fucking piece of paper"_

_"Not to me"_

….

Mickey had quickly woken up to the memory that replayed in his dream. That had been so long ago but even now he still felt the pain that he and Ian felt that day. If he could turn back time he would have been gone away from Chicago long before he got married and he would probably ask firecrotch to go with him, but it was too late for regrets. Especially when the terrible choices where made so many years ago that they seemed rather irrelevant in the present. He didn't want to learn from his mistakes, he wanted to change them because they were made for all the wrong reasons. When he thinks about it now, it seems the only right reason was Ian.

Mickey had no idea how long he had slept for but he slept a lot longer than he thought he had, he wasn't sure if he was reading the clock right when it displayed 2:15. He didn't think he slept that long, he thought maybe he would get a couple hours max and wake up around 11 or 12. Things were beginning to change and he could feel it. He had remembered that around early afternoon there would be shuffling of heavy footsteps, doors slamming, drunken words spoken or mumbled, and people shouting at one another for something stupid. All of that felt like ages ago when he was still young; well, younger than he was now. Had so much changed in what seems to be like such little time? 4 and half years was long time ago but somehow it still felt like yesterday.

Mickey got out of bed feeling thirstier than ever, he stumbled over to the kitchen to get a beer to cure his hangover or at the very least a glass of water. That's what he hated about drinking, the next day your head is pounding to the point where only getting drunk again will fix it- or you wake up with a dry mouth and extreme thirst. What he hated more about that was that a lot of the times he drank (the previous night included) he barely gotten drunk- so the hangover and thirst was a consequence for nothing. He opened the fridge to grab whatever he could grab first when he noticed a plate with breakfast foods on it and a little note.

"Morning' Mick, went to the Gallagher's to visit. Be back later, here's breakfast."

-Mandy

He didn't protest eating breakfast not even if it were cold. He was grateful there was food prepared for him so that way he doesn't have to worry about cooking later. He was bored after a while though and he needed to do something before he died of boredom. No matter what he thought about doing it didn't feel the same if Gallagher wasn't there with him condoning his behaviour. He couldn't take it anymore he grabbed his phone and decided to see what the firecrotch was up to, somehow remembering his telephone number from years ago.

**MICKEY:** Come over. I'm bored.

**Sent: 2:30**

 

He waited patiently for his reply and after an hour he heard the annoying ding of his phone go off telling him he had a text

**FIRECROTCH:** I told you earlier, Im working.

**Received: 3:35**

**MICKEY:** When you off?

**Sent: 3:36**

**FIRECROTCH:** Late.

**Received: 3:40**

There was no way in hell Mickey was going to take no for an answer. He got dressed in under five minutes before he left the house. He only assumed that he still worked at the Kash 'N' Grab because he was damn well close to owning the place. He remembered working there with Gallagher and how the red head walked around the store with such authority. He had a lot of memories in that place both good and bad. The good ones usually consisted of the two boys going into the stock room to fuck, and the bad ones (or one) was when he got shot in the leg by the actual owner's husband. Thinking about it now he couldn't help but smile at the memories he made there.

When he got to the store he noticed that nobody was in the front working till. Fucking Gallagher he thought as he went to the back where he would probably find him smoking. To no avail, there was nobody in the back either. Where the fuck was he? Then he remembered the stock room, he went to back to see if he was just filling up the coolers or something. That's when he saw it.

Ian had some other guy bent over a shelf with his hands curled around his waist. Mickey's eyes grew angry and he stormed in demanding answers.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" he shouted scaring the obviously closeted gay guy to tremble as he attempted to get dressed. The guy was trying to leave but Mickey wasn't going to let that happen until he got what he deserved. "Where the fuck do you think you're goin' faggot!" he spat the word faggot as if it had no meaning to him. He grabbed the guy by the back of his shirt and threw him down towards the ground making him fall on his ass. The guy knew there was no way he was getting out of here so he ran over to stand next Ian who was looking angry to see Mickey there.

"What the fuck you doing here Mick?" Ian said coldly to Mickey, burning him his eyes.

"What the fuck am I doing? The fuck you doing fucking faggot!" Once again Mickey said the word as if it had no meaning to him, but he was so hurt by what he had just saw he was determined to make him hurt as well.

"Wait… You two know each other" said the guy who seemed to be confused by their back and forth.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Mickey and Ian shouted in unison. With them so heated in their conversation they didn't notice the guy sneakily creep away and run from the situation.

"I don't have time for this Mickey" Ian growled as he pushed past Mickey out the store room, but Mickey was sure to follow.

"So that's it huh? You blow me off just to fuck some faggot"

"I didn't blow you off, I told you I was working"

"Working on getting a new piece of ass? Pfft" Mickey scoffed, pissed off that he had let his guard down to Ian; Ian, the only guy who can make Mickey angry and happy both at the same time.

"What were you expecting Mick? That you come back and we're going to pretend as if nothing ever happened? Unlike you I try not to run away from the things that hurt me. I get over them"

"Yeah you really showed that when you fucked off to the army" Hypocrite, trying to feed him some bullshit about running away when he did it too.

"Yeah, I did go. Don't act like it was some kind of surprise, you knew what my plan was all along"

"That was your plan to get over the things that 'hurt' you?" Mickey responded back sarcastically as if Ian were high or something.

"No. That was my plan to never have to see you again, but since that obviously failed here I am with plan B"

"That fucking faggot- That's your plan B?" Mickey asked sarcastically again as if Ian was retarded. Ian looked at Mickey directly with such intense coolness in his eyes before he responded.

"Sure, you can call him that. But I usually just call him my boyfriend…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think thus far?


	8. A Fight Not Worth Winning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fight that both lose

Mickeys face went red with anger, but mostly hurt. This didn't turn out the way he thought it would and this was definitely not the reason why he came back to the city. He stormed out of the store as soon as Ian said the word boyfriend. This is why Mickey didn't do relationships, than people would try to fuck with him and make him their bitch and Mickey was nobody's bitch; not even Ian Gallagher's. He was half a block down when Ian caught up to him stopping him on the sidewalk.

"What the fuck did you think was going to happen between us Mick, Honestly? It's been over four years did you think I would wait for you?" Ian grabbed him by the shoulder so they would stand facing each other. "You expect me to wait for you? You want me to put my life on hold and spare your feelings… like you spared mine when you married that Russian whore?" Mickey hated when Ian brought up the past just to throw it in his face, he didn't need this shit. He was Mickey fucking Milkovich he didn't need Ian Gallagher, he didn't anybody. He proved this in New York for four years before Mandy came and fucked it all up.

"Do whatever the fuck you want Gallagher, I don't need this shit" Mickey turned back around and started to walk away but Ian stopped him again.

"Of course not, You're Mickey fucking Milkovich! You don't need anybody right?" Ian replayed Mickeys own thoughts back to him scaring him a little. He had no idea that Ian paid close attention to him, even after all these years Ian was still the only one who could weasel his way under his skin; and that made him itch.

"Go back to your fucking faggot boyfriend Gallagher. I'm not going to chase you around like some bitch, I aint playing this game. Fuck off" Mickey wasn't going to play cat and mouse with him anymore, he was done. If he wanted to be with someone else fine, like every other guy Mickeys been with Ian's expendable.

"I'll go back to him… Just as soon as I'm done with you" Ian had a smug grin on his face, but not the same kind he gave Mickey when he managed to get something he wanted. The kind of grin that showed he had the upper hand on Mickey, if they were going to argue Gallagher was going to win. Mickey was close to snapping and Ian could feel it, he was hoping for it. Ian was expecting Mickey to strike him, he was preparing for the Milkovich beat down; but nothing. Ian just served in the army, what makes Mickey think that anything he could do would hurt more than anything that happened overseas? Ian was smiling because he knew damn well he was winning, he was getting Mickey riled up and ready to attack, he was hoping he would strike and prove him right- but nothing. He knew he was aggravated, so maybe if he added just a bit more fuel to the fire he would get him where he wanted. "Why would I give someone like Aaron up for someone like you? He's loaded, he OWNS a car and he's going to university next fall… And you're going to be stuck in the same place while everyone else moves on and forgets all about Mickey Milkovich. The closeted faggot of the south side"

"Whatever man, I'm gay but I aint no faggot like you. You came chasing after me remember? Now what do you want, I'm the one leaving and you're the one looking like a bitch" Not the reaction Ian was hoping for, mostly because now that it had been pointed out- it was true. Ian was the one who followed him outside, he is the one trying to pick a fight about this. No way was he going to let Mickey win another fight, not after so many years of him yearning for the dark haired boy who broke his heart. Luckily years of serving in the army taught him to put on a brave face, as if he was ready for anything; even though on the inside he was scared. Ian wanted Mickey to hit him, hit him to prove his point that he is still the piece of shit guy from 4 years ago. Ian wanted to be done with Mickey, just so he could finally move on with his life all Mickey had to do was hit him.

"You take it up the ass don't you? You're a faggot" Mickey just laughed, He knew that Ian was trying to get a rise out of him but he just couldn't seem to do it. He was mad, livid in fact- but there was something in the back of his mind that was telling him not to strike or fight back and to just walk away. Maybe it was the years of not seeing Gallagher, perhaps the guys that Mickey fucked were finally fulfilling their purpose of removing any feelings for Ian from inside. Maybe it was that it's been so long that Mickey didn't want to have to play these games just to get what he wants; he just couldn't find the strength in him to touch Ian.

"Just go back to your boyfriend, Gallagher."

Ian was losing it, how did Mickey somehow get the upper hand in this conversation? Why wasn't Mickey reacting the way he wanted him to? It seemed no matter what he said to him didn't get him where he wanted. It was like anything he said Mickey was numb to, it didn't bother him. He was sure it bothered him but he seemed different, as if he had heard or seen worse. What was going on here? The only thing that Ian saw from Mickey was nothing, a whole lot of nothing, like Mickey was hollow. His eyes were like passageways into a dark black place that nobody should ever be, not even the bravest of people like Mickey. What had he seen in New York that made him seem more…Empty? Ian began to worry a little but he didn't let that show to Mickey, he was still worked up and determined to hurt him some more. Mickey turned around again and was walking away, yet again Ian caught up and stopped him for the third time.

"I'm not done with you yet!" Ian shouted as he grabbed Mickey harder, pushing him so that his back was pressed up against the brick wall of a building. Mickey grabbed Ian by the sweater and turned him around even harder, so that now Ian's back was pushed up against the hard wall. This is it, Ian thought to himself as he braced himself and closed his for any oncoming blows… but nothing. Ian opened his eyes to see Mickeys face close up to his, with his dark empty eyes looking directly into his as if they were going to rip out his soul. Mickey still had Ian's sweater crumpled in his fist and Ian thought for a brief second he was going to kiss him.

"You may not be done with me Gallagher" Mickeys eyes never leaving Ian's as he spoke. "But I'm sure as fuck done with you"

With that Mickey let Ian go and he walked away this time Ian didn't bother trying to stop him. There was something in Mickey's voice and eyes that seemed so cold and so empty that it frightened Ian. All the other times that the two had fought like this one of them would be left in tears, but it would never seem like it would be completely over for either of them. After not seeing each other for four and half years it still didn't feel like it was over, how else would they explain the previous night? How else would they explain this fight that just happened, trying to retaliate any stab or comment with an even worse one, playing a game of who can hurt who more? Then it dawned on Ian that Mickey wasn't playing a game, and if they were then he was willing to let Ian win because that's how hurt Mickey truly was.

The empty stare in Mickey's eyes, and the little words he spoke all told Ian that yes; He had finally won this fight with Mickey… But also that Mickey was actually gone for good this time.


	9. Rebound

Mandy arrived home later that evening with a couple bags of groceries. She walked in to see Mickey drinking a bottle of whiskey alone on the couch.

"What's the matter with you?" She asked, but he just sat there and said nothing. "Alright whatever, I'm going to make dinner" she kicked off her shoes and headed for the kitchen before Mickey finally said something.

"You knew didn't you?" He took a long swig of the whiskey before getting up to face her. He stumbled a little as he got up, he wasn't completely smashed but he was getting there. Alcohol was sweating from his pores and she could smell it from where she had been standing.

"Knew what? Mickey you're drunk" She continued to walk to the kitchen but Mickey followed a little unbalanced, but still good enough to comprehend the situation.

"Gallagher… You knew he had a…" A gurgle came up his throat and he let out a burp right into Mandy's direction. The smell of it disgusted her but she knew that was no way she was getting out of this conversation.

"Boyfriend? Yeah, Aaron he's a nice guy" Aaron, Mickey thought to himself, he even sounded like a pussy; Gallagher never had any standards whatsoever.

"And you didn't fucking tell me?"

"Didn't think I had too" Mandy made a point, what Ian did was his own business not Mickeys, but that got under his skin even more. He felt betrayed by his own sister. "It wasn't my place to tell"

"But you didn't think I had the right to know"

"No. You didn't have the right to know. When it comes to Ian you have no right at all" Mandy was right again, the hurt inside of Mickey grew stronger he was feeling betrayed by everyone around him. What was happening, he left New York for his sister, he gave up his new life for her and this is how she treated him, Like an ungrateful bitch who took the red heads side over her own brother.

"Somebody should have told me something before I made a complete fucking ass of myself. Now suddenly I'm the asshole? Fuck you Mandy. FUCK YOU and definitely FUCK HIM. I don't need this shit" He was slurring his words a little but he was still managing to speak and say exactly what he was feeling even if he was a little tipsy.

"Don't take this shit out on me Mick, what happened between you and Ian is your fault! Why are you acting surprised that shit turned out this way? You let him leave remember, you left too. It's been over four years what the fuck were you expecting dumbass? That just because you come back means that everything is still going to be the way it was?" Mandy was getting angry, this wasn't any of her business but it bothered her that he was making this her fault. Mickey didn't mean to make it sound like her fault, but he was upset that he came to realization that he fucked up things a lot in the past and everything he ever done to the poor kid was biting him in the ass now.

"You two can do whatever queer shit you two do together, I'm done with this shit" He took the last shot from his bottle and chucked the empty at the wall, having it smash all over the kitchen floor. Mandy looked at him both annoyed and scared at the same time as she watched him stagger over to his room slamming the door behind him.

….

Ian was sitting at the till alone at the Kash N Grab, he was thinking about the earlier events with Mickey and wondered why that bothered him so much. He got what he wanted; he wanted to move on from Mickey completely, have the closure he never really had before. Sure he said some things that were mean and uncalled for but he felt they were necessary. Maybe he was just being spiteful, still hurt from all those years ago when Mickey rejected Ian and married Svetlana regardless of how much they loved one another, spiteful that Mickey had let him leave to go to the army. It was his fault; he shouldn't have let him leave than Ian wouldn't feel the need to bring back a boy-toy souvenir.

If he was being completely honest with himself, he didn't really like Aaron. Aaron was only a little taller than Mickey but not by much. He had natural platinum blonde hair that was styled in a way that suggested he cared about his appearance. He had an average body, not overly scrawny, not overly muscular; not overly anything… just average. He had an even, soft, pale complexion was always clean shaven. Whenever they were in the middle of fucking Ian could only feel the softness of Aarons face on his neck and that turned him off a little. He was reminded of how Mickey's stubble would sometimes scratch him, and how he liked the feeling of his facial hair pressing hard against his skin when they were being rough with one another. Aaron wasn't rough though, everything about him was soft. His skin, his eyes, even his personality was soft, and Ian didn't know if soft was what he wanted, but right now- with everything that had happened between him and Mickey he had thought that's what he needed.

It was nearing 9 in the evening, and Ian was almost done his shift. He was sitting there alone when the door opened and Mandy walked in. Not even bothering to say hello, she walked straight up to Ian.

"What happened between you and my brother?" She asked demandingly, she wanted answers as to why Mickey was so depressed earlier and she needed a reason to justify everything she said to him.

"Why don't you ask him?" Like Mickey, he too knew how demanding Mandy could be, but he was sick of always having to explain himself these days, he just wanted to end the rest of his shift in peace; it's been such a long day.

"I'm asking you"

"What do you want me to tell you? We got into an argument, he doesn't like that I'm with someone else that's his own problem, not mine"

"Really? That's it? Because I know my older brother and how he works, that must have been one hell of an argument to have left Mickey moping around the house drunk"

"And what am I supposed to do about that? Me and him are over, have been for a while. I'm with someone new now; he has to get over it"

"Are you still mad about him and Svetlana?" Mandy bringing up the marriage felt like she had stabbed Ian with an old rusted knife. He didn't want to think about that anymore, it happened so many years ago it was time to get over it.

"That was years ago Mandy, I'm over it…"

"Are you? Because if you were truly over it than you would have left my brother alone the other night. You wouldn't have followed him out." How did she know if he followed Mickey out to the dugout the other night, she was walking Debbie home around that time?

"You know about that?" He asked in disbelief. It seemed nothing could get past Mandy, so he was curious to know how he and her brother were together for two years without her ever finding out.

"Of course I know. I was just getting back when I saw Mickey walking down the street and you followed after him. I didn't want to interrupt you two; from earlier on that night it looked like you two had a lot to talk about but never got the chance." Oh, Ian thought to himself Mandy really wasn't as clever as he thought she was, she only knows what she sees and hears; nothing else. "Something happened didn't it?" She asked, she knew that they did more than just talk that night. "Did you two fuck?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just…complicated" He said not quite sure how to explain it to her.

"Well then tell me what happened, because I don't know if I can handle Mickey drunk all the time. He breaks things and he smells like a bar" Ian let out a chuckle because he knew that feeling with Mickey all too well.

"We sort of… Kissed a little" Mandy stood there with her mouth slightly opened, and a little shocked.

"That must have been one hell of a kiss" She finally said, leaving room for Ian to elaborate.

"It wasn't like how we kissed before. It was…. Slower…softer… something I didn't think Mickey was capable of" Mandy was just as surprised to hear that as Ian was to experience it. She knew her brother was no romantic so to hear about a slow, soft kiss from Mickey was unheard of. "I kissed him back, and it was something that I missed so much so I just let it happen. I didn't think it would last so I didn't bother telling him about my boyfriend"

"And that's why he's pissed… He thought you two were something again and that's when he seen you with your boyfriend" It had all started to make sense now, for both Mandy and Ian. Mandy realized why her brother was upset, and Ian realized that he had lead Mickey on.

"Well Ian Gallagher…" She said as she went to the door and flipped the open sign to closed "I already lost my brother once. I'm not losing him again. You're going to fix this… and you're fixing it tonight"


	10. What if you don't have too?

When Mandy and Ian arrived back at the house, Mickey had already gone. They looked in the bedroom to see if his things were still there, they checked the drawers and the closet but all of his clothes were gone. Ian could tell Mandy was about to cry so he quickly wrapped one arm around her, and tried to comfort her. She pushed his arm away and stormed off to sit on the couch in the living room. She held her knees up to her chest and slightly rocked back and forth, burying her face in her knees. Ian went to sit by her and tried to be optimistic about the whole situation.

"Maybe he's at the Alibi, you said he was drunk when you saw him last?" Ian said knowing full well that he wasn't there.

"Yeah, and he took all his clothes with him too? I'm not stupid Ian, I know my brother he's gone by now." Ian knew this too, but he felt as if he had to console Mandy longer and make her believe that Mickey was coming back, even though they both knew that he wasn't. He also didn't want to disappoint her when she realized that he wasn't coming back, he knew that feeling all too well when his own mother left them. Ian was at a loss on how to comfort Mandy so he just sat there with his arm around her, rubbing her back and listening to her sobs. "Can you hand me a smoke?" Mandy asked as she pointed to the coffee table. He did what she asked, reached for the cigarettes that were underneath a set of car keys. He handed her a cigarette when a light went off in Ian's head.

"Whose car keys are these?" He asked picking them up.

"Ours, not like they could really belong to anybody else" Mandy said before finally cluing in. She stood up and walked over to the window to see the car sitting in the front still. "He didn't take the car?"

Ian shook his head. "He didn't take the car!" Mandy got up a little too excitedly and rushed back over to Ian.

"So if he didn't take the car, he can't be far! I only seen him a couple hours ago" Ian nodded, not wanting to ruin her mood, he didn't bother to tell her that a couple hours could be too long and that's more than enough time to leave a city if one was determined or stubborn enough; and If he knew one thing about Mickey, he was definitely stubborn enough.

Mandy grabbed her coat and was headed out the door when she turned back to Ian "Well… Are you coming?"

"We should split up if we're going to have any chance of finding him" Mandy didn't like the idea but she knew he was right "Take the car, if he went took the El then he can't be too far. Try the bus station. I'll look at the bars or anywhere else he might hang out" Mandy nodded, she agreed and took the keys and left, not realizing that Ian had no intention to go to the bar to look for him. If Ian knew Mickey, he knew that there was only one place that he would go this late at night drunk, even if he didn't want to go there himself he owed this to Mandy.

It was nearing 11:30pm and the only thing that kept the streets lit were the dim lamps of south side Chicago. Ian heard rustling as he walked by each alley way, probably from a cat or something. The streets were more silent tonight than usual, and that felt weird to him. He almost felt as if he were in a dream, one he had many times before while he was in the army. A dream where he walks the lonely, dark streets alone waiting to find something, anything; but just walking alone with no sense of direction until he finally sees a big, old, condemned building in the distance. He begins to walk faster and faster toward it, picking up the pace with every step he took until he finally reaches it… and then he wakes up. Only this wasn't a dream, this was real and Ian had reached the building, which meant he had reached Mickey.

Not being able to see anything Ian pulled out his phone and used the backlight as a flashlight to help navigate his way around the place. As he got closer to the rooftop, he heard the sound of rocks being thrown at cement, the sound echoed through the building and Ian followed it. When he reached the top, he noticed that he didn't need his phone to see anymore because the moonlight had illuminated the rooftop perfectly.

He followed the sounds of the rocks before finding a now sober Mickey sitting with his back against the wall and throwing rocks aimlessly at the ground.

"Gallagher?" Mickey looked up noticed Ian standing against the wall watching him. The way Ian stood, with his pale skin illuminated by the moonlight was probably the most beautiful he had ever looked to Mickey, but Mickey sure as hell wasn't going to admit it. "The fuck you doing here?"

Ian laughed a little, he couldn't help but smile. He felt that nothing had changed and that no time had passed, and seeing Mickey here drunk- at their special hide out that they deemed only for them made him smile even more. He couldn't help but remember the feeling of being 17 and in love again, with the blue eyed bad-ass who stole his heart. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing here" Ian pulled out a smoke from his pocket and lit it before sitting down himself. "But I'm here aren't I…"

Mickey playfully scoffed at the red head "Guess so" and looked up at Ian who was giving him his shit eating grin that Mickey loved so much.

Before any awkward silences happened Ian finally asked "So what was your big plan anyways?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know your plan. The one where you pack all your shit and leave, worrying your sister half to death… You know that plan" Mickey could hear the sarcasm in his voice, but even then he didn't have to answer to anybody.

"I'm a grown ass man, she doesn't need to worry about me" Mickey pulled out his own pack of smokes and lit one. "And if that's the only reason why you're here, then I suggest you leave Gallagher" Mickey didn't owe either of them anything, not even an explanation.

"That doesn't matter Mick, you're all she has left now. You're being selfish… She needs you Mick" Mickey scoffed; as much he loved Gallagher, he was sick of the way he talks to him, like he knew him.

"What about you Gallagher?" Mickey asked trying to turn the tables.

"What about me?"

"Well, you seem to have been doing a good job of being there for her so far. Leaving me in the dark left me to look like an asshole. Why don't you just stay with her and then everybody wins? You two can do whatever the fuck you want, and I'll be left alone"

"This is what I'm talking about. You're being selfish, she's you sister and you're going to leave her?"

"So? You did…" Mickey immediately regretted that last remark but by then it was too late. Ian felt the sting of his words burn him a little, reminding him that he too had left his family and that right now Mickey was right in implying he was a hypocrite.

It took Ian a couple minutes to try and retaliate, but during that time he had clued in on something.

"You still love me don't you" Ian asked, and Mickey just stared at him wide eyed for a second before looking away. He remembered the other night at the dugout when Ian asked Mickey if he used loved him and he didn't say anything, he just replied with a kiss. Ian knew that Mickey didn't have to say yes, and that the only reason why he didn't say 'yes, I used to love you' because Mickey still did.

"You still love me. It's okay to admit it, no one can hear you, and your dads not around to make you think otherwise"

Mickey got up and started to walk away. He didn't want to make himself vulnerable to Gallagher again, especially now that he knows that Aarons in the picture.

"Always running away huh Mick? Is that you're answer to everything?" Mickey kept walking before Ian ran up to him and pushed him, making Mickey lose his balance a little. "Go ahead, leave. You did it once, I'm sure you can do it again" Mickey just stood there, remembering the same fight that they had earlier, but this time Mickey had just about enough.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY TO YOU HUH? THAT I LOVE YOU? WHAT FUCKING GOOD IS THAT GOING TO DO? YOU WANT ME TO SAY IM GONNA STAY? SO I CAN WATCH YOU AND THAT FUCKIN' QUEER BOYFRIEND OF YOURS" Ian looked at him with an intense look, as if he was taking in everything Mickey was saying. "I CAN'T JUST…" Mickey paused, thinking about his next words wisely. "I can't say I love you, and then stay to watch you with somebody else." Mickey couldn't hold it back anymore, he felt safe here; talking openly about this to Ian and he couldn't hold back what he was thinking anymore "I just can't..."

Ian looked at him, and he tried to hold back everything. Ian felt angry, and hurt, but he knew right then that he still loved Mickey unconditionally. He grabbed Mickey's hands and held them in his own before saying "What if you don't have to?


	11. Breaking Up

“What If I don’t have to, what?” Asked Mickey, clearly confused with the sudden change. Ian looked at him waiting for him to figure it out, but to no avail he stood there with a weird look on face as if Ian had been speaking another language. Ian didn’t want to have to explain it but he didn’t want Mickey to leave either so quickly he improvised a plan to procrastinate Mickey’s departure.

“We will talk tomorrow, ok?” Ian said with a grin on his face. Mickeys face grew mean and frustrated; he didn’t want to play games anymore and he was growing impatient. Ian could see this in his face and that just made him smile even more.

“What the Fu…” Before he could finish his sentence Ian leapt forward and kissed him. It took Mickey by surprise but the kiss didn’t last long at all, just long enough to tease Mickey and get him wanting more. Mickey didn’t know what kind of mind games Gallagher was playing but he liked it… sort of. He really didn’t like waiting, and he wasn’t going to chase him around. However none of that mattered, what mattered was that he had questions that needed answers, and the red head was giving him nothing.

“Tomorrow okay, I promise” With that, Ian walked away. Mickey didn’t bother chasing after him, but he stood there still feeling the tingle left on his lips.

…

The next day Ian was sitting in the Kash ‘N’ Grab working the day shift. He was off in a couple hours, but he was waiting on Aaron to get there. When Aaron finally arrived, he looked timid and searched around the store to see if anyone else was there. For someone who had just finished a term in the United States Army, he sure was a pussy. When he determined the coast was clear he walked up to Ian and kissed him… awkwardly. That’s all it took for Ian to realize he was making the right decision.

“Yeah…. We need to talk” Ian said awkwardly trying to make the upcoming conversation obvious.

Aaron had no idea what was coming, but he knew the words _we need to talk_ always meant something bad

“This just isn’t working out” Ian was trying to be nice about the situation, it was just really hard because he had become overly blunt and brutally honest lately, he figured that should change.

 “You’re ending this?” Aaron asked in disbelief, and Ian could hear his voice crack a little “What did I do wrong?” _What a pussy_ Ian thought to himself.

“Nothing. Just not working is all” Ian didn’t want to be mean, but he didn’t want sugar coat It with lies _or it’s not you, It’s me_ bullshit.

“It’s that guy isn’t it?” Aaron asked, reminding Ian that Mickey had caught them the other day. “Did he threaten to you? Threaten to tell this to anyone?” Ian just looked at Aaron, now he was the confused one. He knew what he was talking about, but he was confused to why he had ever dated this guy to begin with; HE WAS SUCH A WIMP! _Oh My God,_ Ian thought to himself as he could see Aaron conjure up solutions to save their already dead relationship.

“We can be more careful next time…” Aaron went on before Ian finally decided to stop him.

“No, listen Aaron, this isn’t working because well… Honestly, you’re just not my type. I really shouldn’t have dragged this on as long as I did, and I’m sorry” Ian couldn’t hold back anymore, but as long as the truth was out he was fine with any repercussions that it may have caused.

“I moved to Chicago for you Lip” Aaron said demandingly, but there was no real force behind it.

“That’s another thing… My name isn’t Lip, Its Ian.”

“So this whole thing was a lie?”

“Like I said I’m sorry, it wouldn’t have worked out either way. You’re too much of a pussy to slum it in Southside Chicago, You’re miserable here and you know it” Ian knew he had just insulted Aaron, but he didn’t feel the need to hold back anymore. “And if I’m being completely honest with you, you were just a rebound…” Ian thought that maybe he had gone a little too far. There was an awkward silence and they both stood there, Ian looking down at his feet waiting for Aaron to get the hint and leave so he didn’t have to continue to be mean.

 Aaron looked at Ian with red teary eyes; it was him who was the one who finally broke the silence, when a light in his head went off.

“It was him wasn’t it?” Aaron asked, finally understanding the whole situation. He may have been a complete pussy, but he was smart.

“What?” Ian asked confused.

“The guy from the other day, the one with the black hair… He was the one wasn’t he?”

“The one, what?”

“The one who had broken your heart” Ian just sat there didn’t know what to say, but he did really want him to leave.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I think it’s time you left” Ian was being demanding but that didn’t shut Aaron up.

“You we’re depressed and mopey when we first met. Do you remember? Of course you remember, it must have been some breakup” Aaron had this menacing look in his eyes as if he had gotten Ian where he wanted him, he knew that bringing up things that hurt Ian would hurt him in some way; he was right. All Ian was thinking about Mickey, the wedding, the baby, Svetlana and Mickey’s dad… Terry.  Ian just looked at Aaron and his face was burning with anger, he was ready to beat the shit out of this guy. Ian could tell he was only emotionally attacking him because he was bitter from the breakup, but that didn’t matter; nobody talked about such a sensitive subject like that.

“He broke you, so you left. I found you, I fixed you and I treated you well… And now you’re going back to him? I thought you had standards, Lip” Aaron was just about to turn to walk away when as he turned he was face to face with Mickey.

“His names Ian” Mickey snarled as he looked at Aaron straight in the eye. Ian didn’t even see or hear him walk in, apparently neither did Aaron. He must have come through the back or something.  Mickey punched one good punch right into Aarons face, knocking him straight onto the floor.  Mickey knelt down to the blonde, whose nose was gushing blood trying to contain it with his hands “Get the picture now?” Aaron was quick to nod and stumble back to his feet. “Good, now get the fuck out of here” With that Aaron quickly composed himself, shot one look at Ian and left.

Ian had been standing by watching the whole time with a big smile on his face; this had been complete déjà vu from the time when Mickey kicked the shit out of some Asian guy that Ian had been sleeping with. Mickey looked up to see Ian smiling at him that made him smile too.

“Where do you find these guys?” Mickey asked shaking his head mockingly in disapproval...

“Guess I just have bad taste”

When Mickey heard that it made him laugh, he hadn’t really laughed like that in a while and he felt one of the empty spaces inside him fill up again, but this time he knew that some blonde haired pussy wasn’t going to take it away from him again.


	12. Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The good times that you re-live. And the Past that Catches up.

When Mickey and Ian were walking from the store, Mickey couldn’t help but ask the question that had been on his mind all day. All night for that matter. It was the question he needed so badly answered that he decided to stay for one more night to ask.

“So what’s happening?” Mickey asked, choosing not to elaborate. He couldn’t find the right words to say without sounding like a complete queer.

“What’s happening with what?” Ian asked.

“Don’t play dumb, you know what” Mickey looked over and he watched as Ian simply shrugged his shoulders.

“No, I don’t know what” Ian was good at frustrating Mickey, and it was really fucking annoying on his part. It wasn’t until Mickey looked over again to see a smile curl up on Ian’s lips that told Mickey that he was just fucking with him.

“You little shit!” Mickey punched Ian’s arm jokingly and ran away from Ian who was bound to retaliate with a punch of his own. He ran around the corner into an alley, knowing Ian would follow behind. Sure enough Ian was right behind Mickey and punched him in the shoulder, not enough to hurt Mickey, but enough for Mickey have to shake off the sting. They both playfully boxed around in the alley, not really hitting each other as they would have in a real fight. Ian had the smile on his face, the shit eating grin that he always had when he had the upper hand on Mickey. Mickey couldn’t help but smile in return, he remembered how much he missed that smile in New York. The smile that warmed Mickey from the inside out.

“Slower than usual Mick” Ian said and he lunged and Mickey in an offensive position. Mickey had his arms up in a defensive position, shifting from foot to foot dodging any advances that Ian would make. Somehow they both still managed to walk forward toward Mickey’s house, while making sure that their back wasn’t turned to another.

This was just a playful fight, the kind that brothers have when they’re bored and have too much testosterone built up inside them- but Mickey couldn’t help but feel a little competitive, it was in his nature. He lunged forward but there was a crack in the ground he hadn’t noticed making him stumble and trip right into Ian nearly knocking him over as well. Fortunately Ian was quick and pushed them both back up before either of them actually fell. When they were stable again Ian realized he was holding on to Mickeys arm, and Mickey was turned so that they were face to face with one another. Ian went in for a kiss but Mickey just smiled and dodged it, jokingly nudging Ian in the sack before backing away. He missed how playful they used to be together. He remembered back when they had sex all the time- when they weren’t sneaking around, they would fuck around like this. He remembered the time when he had kicked the shit out of some old man that Ian was sleeping with, and how they both ran back into the alley way before the police caught up- how they were chasing after each other and goofing around like they were doing right now.  His smile grew bigger because when he remembered times like that, he realized he didn’t just have Ian Gallagher, his ‘boyfriend’; He had Ian Gallagher his best friend.

Ian caught up to Mickey but Mickey didn’t bother dodging any oncoming blows, When Ian got close enough he grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him with such intense force, that it not only startled Ian, but it had made them stumble backwards to the wall. Mickey pulled away from his face and looked into his eyes.

“Now are you gonna answer my question fire crotch?” Ian smiled back the shit eating grin again.

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about” _Okay, now he’s really asking for it_ thought Mickey as he went in for another kiss.

Mickey again pushed away from the kiss and continued forward for his house, pulling out a cigarette and only stopping to light it.

“Well are you at least gonna come over?” asked Mickey handing Ian the cigarette.

“Yeah” Ian answered smugly “I could possibly do that” Ian loved torturing Mickey with his vague answers, he took pride in knowing that he could get under his skin without actually having to do anything.

“You’re attitudes gonna get you in a lot of trouble fire crotch, I’d watch it” Mickey added jokingly

“Im counting on it” Ian handed back the cigarette, Mickey couldn’t help but smile.

“Asshole” Mickey lightly punched Ian again and the chase continued until they were back at Mickey’s house.

When they arrived back at the house something wasn’t right, Mickey felt it. He seen a car he didn’t recognize parked out front and the front door wide open.

“Wait here” he ordered Ian, as he went entered the house. Mickey pulled the 22 out of his waistband and cautiously continued to move forward. The house was a mess; everything was thrown around and broken. Glass was on the ground, and the couches were pushed over.  “MANDY!” Mickey yelled “Mandy where the fuck are you?” he looked kept moving, walking over the shit on the ground and made his way to the kitchen. It took him one second to see Mandy bound and tied up with a gag in her mouth, with a bruise forming around her eye. She shook her head, warning Mickey; and he caught on quick.

Within a second he turned around and pointed the 22 right in the face of the sleazy manager to the strip club back in New York. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My initial thought when I first started this story was I wanted to write about Mickey. Mickey is my favorite character in the show because he is very troubled, and I love writing about the different challenges he has to face to make him stronger. This is part of the Gallavich fandom, but Im really aiming to make it more a "The Mickey Milkovich Journey" so to speak. I don't want to focus the whole story on Ian and him, but im trying to incorporate as much of Ian Gallagher as I can without making it overkill. This series is nearing its end, and I want to tie up loose ends, making the whole story come into one, rather than have so many different plots and twists and situations that it gets hard to follow. 
> 
> SO- with that being said, I really hope you all continue to read. And please feel free to comment and criticize (constructively please). This isnt my first fic, but it is the longest one I have written with so much going on in it. So I really do hope you're all enjoying it. Thanks for reading, will be updating again soon =) 
> 
> -C.


	13. Standoff

Lou. His name was Lou, the Manager that had owned the strip club back in New York. He stood in front of Mickey with 3 other guys behind him, 2 of which were holding metal baseball bats, the third holding a pistol similar to Mickeys. This wasn’t the first time Mickey found himself in a situation like this, but usually he had his brothers or his dad to back him up, hell- sometimes Mandy would even back him up. Mickey wasn’t going to back down, seeing his sister there made him irate and these guys were gonna be lucky if he lets them live after this. He didn’t sway; he stood looking at Lou with his gun pointed directly at him.

“You really fucked up Mick” said Lou, and Mickey couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous accent. It made him look like even more of a pussy than he already was, if that were even possible. Given the other 3 weren’t holding weapons, Mickey would take these fuckers on no problem.

“You look like the one who fucked up” Mickey said never taking his eyes off Lou.

“Oh? How so? Its my sister whose tied up on the floor now is it Mick… I would tread carefully; you don’t want to do anything stupid. Especially not with your sister being so damn easy to take advantage of right now” He smiled, a perverted smile and Mickey knew what he meant. “I’m gonna have a lot of fun with her, especially with the tight ass of her” He puckered his lips together making a smooching sound and directed it to Mandy.

“You fucked up by coming here for one, and you definitely fucked up by saying that” Mickey didn’t look scared for his sister, he knew once she was untied she would back him up. These asshole bodyguards may have weapons but they didn’t have the survival instincts of ravenous wolves like he and Mandy did. That too had been their downfall. “You see, I’ll kill your boys first. I’ll make you watch. And when I’m done with them, I’ll go for you- and there aint nobody around to protect you” Mickey didn’t falter with his threats, he wasn’t even lying when he said he would kill the 4 of them.

Mickey’s words gave Lou a frightened look in his eyes, remembering the night at the club. Lou just looked at Mickey, acting if he were the alpha dog in this situation but he knew it were only true to an extent.

“Let’s do this the easy way, and no one gets hurt alright Mick?” Lou lit up a cigar as if he were so Mob boss trying to be intimidating. Mickey didn’t like the sound of the ultimatum, and there was no way in hell he was going to strike some deal with this douche bag. “You hand over you’re sister give her to us, And you can go on living your faggot lifestyle” Mickey flinched a little at the last part.. “Oh, you thought we didn’t know about you and you’re red haired boyfriend?” He laughed a little, so did the 3 men behind him. “I’m a very powerful man Mick, I know things”

Mickey didn’t know if he was ready to have an open relationship with Ian but he was pretty close to it. Lou knowing didn’t help things at all.

“She comes back to New York with us, you stay here. Live gay like the fairy you are and she works in the club and makes me money. That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.” Mickey spat in his direction at his feet, as if he were disgusted with this so called deal, showing that there was no way in hell he was going to go through with it.

“Get another whore to work for you, she aint goin’ anywhere” Mickey was going to kill these guys before he let that happen.

“You know none of my girls look like…. That” he looked over to Mandy and licked his lips a little, Mandy had a look of disgust in her eyes. Mickey raised the gun, pointing it directly at his head.

“I’ll give you and your boys a chance to leave… I would make it fast, I don’t have very much patience today”

“We won’t stop with your sister Mick. The red haired boy looked sweet too” Mickey was ready to pumble this guy in a second; he was in a stance ready to jump. “In this business it don’t matter if you’re gay, straight, man, woman- If you got the money, I can make it happen.” He took a puff from his cigar “I aint no fag like you, but I know a good looking man when I see one. And I know a lot of people who would pay me good money for one night with that hot piece of ass”

That was it, Mickey leapt forward and head butted Lou as hard as he could, knocking him down to the ground. Mickey quickly held the gun back up directing it at the guy with the other gun.

“I wouldn’t stick around to see what happens next” Mickey warned as he seen one of the men with the baseball bat approach his sister.

Mickey quickly pointed the pistol at that man and shot him in foot. The man screamed out in pain, distracting the other man enough for Mickey to launch his body forward and pistol whip the other gunman, rendering himself unconscious. It wasn’t until Mickey felt the feeling of metal hit the side of his body, one of the other men had taken a bat to Mickey. Mickey grunted in pain but that wasn’t enough for him to stop fighting. He got up and he looked faced the man who was swinging the bat around hoping to get Mickey a second time.

The Side of Mickeys body was sore, and he was certain the one of his ribs had been broken. That still wasn’t enough to stop him, the 22 he had flew out of his hand when he was hit so Mickey had no weapon to protect himself. Mickey would die a million different ways before he let these assholes make off with Mandy… Mandy, Mickey looked over to see his sister making her way out of the duct tape that held her wrists together and removing the cloth that was wrapped around her mouth as a gag. _Really?_ He thought to himself, she couldn’t think to do this before he was hit with a bat.

Before he got the chance to chastise her about it, he felt the blow of the metal bat hit his head. His vision became bleary and everything had become hazy before everything turned black, and Mickey hit the floor. 


	14. Black

Everything was black. There was a ringing in his hears that wouldn’t go away. _What happened?_ He could hear screaming and thudding and even more screaming, but Mickey was trapped in his body and couldn’t do anything about it. Mickey had become unresponsive, he felt like he was in a nightmare. This was one of the worst nightmares that Mickey has had because; it wasn’t what he was seeing that made this frightening, it’s what he wasn’t able to see. He wanted to make the voices in his head stop grunting and screaming, but he couldn’t.

 _Just wake up_ he thought to himself as the voices got louder, but the darkness begun to fade.

 _Just wake up_ he thought to himself feeling a pain on the side of his head, a pain that throbbed and pounded like a hammer.

 _Just wake up_ he thought to himself as he opened his eyelids to a blinding white light.

Like his consciousness, the light he was seeing was coming in and out of focus. One minute it would be there, and the next it would be black again. Mickey had no idea what was happening, he had no idea what happened, all he knew was that he felt dead; or very close to it. The sounds of screaming and thudding had become clear again, and that had helped aid Mickey back to consciousness. His eyelids felt weary, but he opened them as much he could. He realized the bright light wasn’t anything but the light fixture on the ceiling. The screaming continued and he suddenly remembered that Mandy was in trouble. His adrenalin spiked and he got up, ready to fight off any threat in the house.

It took him one second to get an understanding of his surroundings, he seen Lou and his three bodyguards surround Mandy. One of the men was bleeding on the floor from a gunshot wound, but had it wrapped up with a makeshift tourniquet. Mickey thought it was hysterical, remembering full well that he was the one to shoot him. One of the men that Lou had brought had blood streaming down from his forehead. That was the guy that Mickey Pistol whipped after he shot the other. The third bodyguard must have been the one to hit Mickey with the bat, that he remembered the most is because he can feel ache on the side of his head and the broken bones in his ribs. Mickey was no scientist but if this little scenario didn’t end soon he could suffer from severe internal bleeding. He also knew that the only reason why he was even conscious and alert right now because the adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and once it was all over he would probably faint and go back into his unconscious slumber.

The man with the bleeding forehead held a gun towards Mandy’s head, while restraining her with his arm wrapped around her neck. The other two men were trying to hold down her legs and she attempted to kick them every time they got to close to her. Lou, stayed back, he didn’t want to be in the crossfire of her kicking; not even realizing that Mickey had gotten up and is no longer on the ground.

“Feisty one isn’t she?” commented Lou, giving her a look as if he was undressing her with his eyes.

“You fucked up by coming here” Mandy spat back, still trying to kick the men away from here.

“This aint’ the only place I’ll be coming” said Lou, making his three bodyguards laugh at the double entendre. “I’ll have my way with you. And I’ll make your tough guy brother over there watch” He managed to get past Mandy’s kicking to get close enough to her. He grabbed her by the face and made her look into her eyes “I always get what I want. And what I want right now is for you and your brother to pay”

 She didn’t take his words so lightly and spat in his face. He wiped it off, obviously annoyed by Mandy’s defiant attitude to comply and he swung at her. Almost instantly there was swelling and bruising forming on her face and Lou was proud of the marks he left on her.

 Lou was so lost in torturing Mandy that he didn’t realize Mickey come at him with a crow bar. Mickey swung and hit Lou in the back of the head, instantly making him drop to his knees. The Kitchen wasn’t very big so he ended falling toward Mandy who swung her legs up and kicked him the sack. The three men reacted almost immediately; one of the bodyguards who were holding the gun threw Mandy to the ground and pointed the gun up toward Mickey. The other two attempted to grab Mandy, but Mandy had run and grabbed a pan from the sink and swung it at one of the attackers hitting him in the face and breaking his nose.

Mickey screamed for Mandy to run, making her leave the house. Mandy seen the opportunity and took it. She ran as fast as she could without looking back. She had felt guilty for leaving Mickey there alone, but right now she was doing more harm than good. The man with the broken nose chased after her, leaving Mickey to face Lou and his other two henchmen. Lou had gotten up still obviously in pain, but he had to look tough toward Mickey and the guys who worked for him.

“What the fuck you doin’ shoot him already!” Lou shouted.

Without hesitation the man pulled the gun up and was steadying his aim before being completely caught off guard.

“Who the fu…” before the gunman could finish his sentence, Mickey seen him drop to the floor. He couldn’t tell right away what happened, but he seen flashes of red when Lou and his other bodyguard tried to pull the unknown attacker away. Mickey couldn’t understand what happened right away, he was still woozy from his earlier head wound. Trying to make sense of it, he noticed things become slower, and he noticed that Ian had come and attacked the gunman, but he didn’t stop there. Ian was the biggest threat in the room and the other two men tried to incapacitate him, but that didn’t stop him. Ian was fierce, he was quick, his reflexes were fast and he was stronger than Mickey ever thought he was.  Mickey watched the three men go down one by one, Ian disarmed them of their weapons and didn’t stop until all three were bloody and on the ground. Mickey seen fury in his eyes and he kept going and going, even when they were all unconscious.

“Sto..!” Mickey tried to yell, he knew if he continued that the men were going to be brain-dead or worse; dead- and thats not something Mickey wanted on his record. He couldn’t finish his sentence because the woozy dizziness he felt from his head wound started to creep back up to him. His vision started to creep in and out and he felt his knees buckle and he couldn’t hold himself up much longer.  “Sto..” he tried again but his legs and body finally gave in, his adrenalin had ran out and he had no more strength to keep him going. He collapsed to the floor again only this time he held his consciousness, watching Ian deliver blow after blow to each of the three men who lay helpless on the ground.


	15. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably the most intense one i've written so far. I hope you all enjoy it.

Neither Mickey nor Ian realized a distraught Mandy running back in the house. She let out a startled scream and quickly ran over to Ian’s side. She tugged his shoulder trying to get him to stop, but he kept going until Mandy finally pulled his arm back hard enough, startling him where he had to stand in an offensive position; as if preparing for another attacker. Mandy raised her arms in retreat so Ian would know she wasn’t a threat. Ian somehow calmed down when he seen Mandy there looking frightened, as if she was looking at a monster. He knew he wasn’t the monster here but the look in her eyes told her otherwise.

Mandy did notice something strange about Ian; his eyes didn’t hold the kindness they once did. She recognized them because they were filled with pain, suffering, anger and self-loathing. The same look that Mickey had when she had encountered him in New York, the same look she had every morning she looked in the mirror when her life started to spiral uncontrollably. Mandy jumped forward and wrapped her arms around Ian’s neck, hugging him tightly. She knew that there was so much built inside of him so she wanted to comfort him and let him know that he wasn’t alone for any of it- that she understood the agony that was built up inside of him. Ian had gone to war to fight terrorist, fighting for his country. Mandy had been at war as well, a war within herself, fighting for her life. Ian wrapped his arms around Mandy when he opened his eyes and looked past his shoulder, he seen Mickey badly beaten and lying on the floor barely moving in a puddle of what looked like his own blood.

Ian reluctantly pushed Mandy away so that he could run to Mickey’s side, ordering Mandy to call the police and the ambulance. He examined Mickey and seen that he had been hit on the side of the head, and that the blood was coming from the wound. He looked down to see Mickey holding one side of his body, when Ian lifted his shirt up he seen the bruises on one side of his rib cage. Of course, these injuries happened before Ian had gotten there he couldn’t help but think he was partly responsible for not doing anything in time. Mickey had been hit twice but the adrenaline kicked in earlier to give him the ability to fight for just a little while longer, but the fight seemed pointless since Mickey lay there defeated and injured… helpless.

Mickey’s eyes kept opening and closing, fighting to keep awake but the blood loss was becoming too much. Ian was determined to keep him alive, no matter what it takes. Ian took off his shirt and placed it on Mickeys wound, putting pressure on it so it would stop the bleeding. The ambulance would be here soon enough and Mickey would be okay, he had to be okay. After everything the two have been through together Ian would be damned if the universe took him away now. Not now, Ian just got him back. He grabbed Mickey and held him up close to his chest, and Mickey (though he was fading in and out of consciousness) could make out what sounded like sobbing. Ian was rocking him back and forth, holding him close to his chest, making sure not to injure him further- whispering into the boy’s ear.

“It’s gonna be okay Mick… you’re gonna be okay” Ian couldn’t help the tears coming out of his eyes, they welled in his face. He couldn’t stand the fact that he couldn’t protect him, he couldn’t stand the unknown; whether he was going to live or die- he was losing a lot of blood. “Stay with me Mick, please stay with me”

Ian was practically cradling his head, he looked down to see Mickey looking back up with weary eyes. Mickey opened his mouth, as if he was close to saying something but the words couldn’t come out. Ian was quick to quiet him, making sure he didn’t use any more energy than he had to.

“Shhh Mick, the ambulance will be here soon” Ian took one hand and placed it on Mickeys Cheek, and the other arm he used to cradle Mickey from underneath lifting him slightly so that he could hold him closer. Ian pressed his forehead against Mickeys, still holding his cheek- he held him in such an intimate position.  Ian was sobbing fiercely as he cradled Mickey, he was so scared he was going to lose him again.

Mickey was still groggy and still fading in and out, but somehow he had found the words to speak. He looked at Ian directly into the eyes and with a laboured voice said “You’re such a fucking queer…”

Ian couldn’t help but have the corners of his lips curl up slightly into a half ass smile, but it soon faded when he seen Mickey’s eyes close. Ian quickly layed him back down and slapped him across the face but he wasn’t responding.

The ambulance and police finally busted through the door, in what seemed like forever. Ian didn’t want to leave Mickey’s side, but the ambulance pulled him away, telling Ian who was clearly distraught to let them handle it.

Ian sat on the floor crying- Mickey’s blood was painted all over Ian’s body, but Ian didn’t take notice. All Ian noticed was the ambulance take Mickey away on a stretcher. Everything became silent and Ian sat there helpless- not knowing if the boy he loved was alive or dead.


	16. Hungry, Tired, Restless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains mild blasphemy. Only a couple chapters left, hope you all enjoy =)

Ian watched as Mickey lay in the hospital bed motionless. He had been watching for the past week, hoping he could see his piercing blue eyes just one more time. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to sleep and he definitely didn’t want to eat. The only thing he wanted was for Mickey to open his eyes and come back to him.

He was in a coma; there had been severe internal bleeding to the brain. That’s what the doctors said, but they also said that Mickey’s life was in god’s hands now. If there was a god- Ian thought to himself; then he sure as hell wouldn’t waste any time with someone like Mickey Milkovich. God wouldn’t waste time on saving someone who extorted, stolen and cheated his way through life. Wasting time on praying for Mickey was pointless to Ian, because no way “God” would listen to the pleas of two gay boys from the Southside; God left the Southside long ago.

 “Jesus Ian you look like shit” Ian didn’t notice his older brother Lip walk into the room. He simply turned his head to acknowledge he was there but returned his focus back on Mickey. “I brought you a burger” He held up a brown bag stained with grease, in hopes Ian would take interest.

“Not hungry” Ian said stubbornly. Ian knew his body was hungry, but he also knew that he simply wouldn’t be able to hold down the food.

“So starving yourself is gonna bring him back?” Ian didn’t bother looking back at his brother, but he could feel Lips eyes on him. “What about sleep? Looks like you haven’t slept in days”

“I haven’t” Ian replied dryly.

“Listen Ian, I get it- it sucks. When Karen was in the …” This caught Ian’s attention, he turned around and snapped back at Lip, jumping up in lightning speed. Ian had Lips shirt clenched up in his fists, and pushed him back with enough force, he had him cornered up against the wall.

“DO NOT compare this to Karen… Ever! Don’t even try to compare the two!” Hot tears were forming in Ian’s eyes. “Mickey and I aren’t anything like the two of you…” Ian let go of Lips shirt and pulled himself back. He sat down beside Mickey who was still unresponsive.

“Yeah that’s right because you two were so in love right?” Lip was being condescending and that was angering Ian even more “ You two loved each other so much he married a Russian whore and you took off to the army. It’s been over four years; I really thought you would have gotten over him by now” Ian scoffed at his response, not dignifying it with an answer “There are so many other guys in the world and you’re settling for Mickey fucking Milkovich” Lip was crossing a line, but he didn’t care how his brother would react as long as he thought he was protecting him. “You know there’s a good chance he won’t come out of this, and if he does he might end up the brain-dead just like Karen” That’s when Ian snapped.

Ian got up and swung at Lip, hitting him directly in the face and knocking him on the floor.  He grabbed Lip by his shirt again and pulled him up to face him again. “JUST BECAUSE KAREN TURNED OUT TO BE A VEGITABLE DOESN’T MEAN MICKEY WILL! AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT, THAT WHORE HAD IT COMING! MICKEY WAS PROTECTING MANDY AND HE’S FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE BECAUSE OF IT!!! DON’T YOU EVER COMPARE THE TWO SITUATIONS!! YOU MAY STILL HATE MANDY FOR WHAT SHE DID TO HER, BUT WHAT MANDY DID FOR YOU WAS A LOT MORE THAN KAREN JACKSON EVER WOULD- ITS BEEN OVER FOUR FUCKING YEARS LIP, AND  YOU STILL HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT WHAT A STUPID CANIVING BITCH KAREN JACKSON WAS..MANDY DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!” Ian let go of his brother surprised that none of the nurses or doctors had come in to see all the commotion. Ian calmed down and pulled himself away “Things changed over the years Lip, but I still can’t bring myself to let go of Mickey… I need to be able to believe he’s going to be okay. After everything that’s happened over the years, he has to be; otherwise it would have all been for nothing”

Lip got up wiping the blood off of his face “Alright...” said Lip “Just eat something cause like I said you starving yourself won’t bring him back any sooner” with that Lip left the room, leaving Ian alone with Mickey.

Ian barely left Mickeys side. He began to smell the odour coming off himself from the lack of showering. Ian was restless and refused any of the doctor’s orders to go home and rest. It’s been over two weeks since the incident and Ian refused to leave. Mandy came by every day for a couple hours, but even she knew when it was time go and rest. His lack of sleep made him weary and he barely touched any food for the entire time. Mandy would bring him food that Ian would reluctantly swallow down. Ian spent almost every night with mickey, sleeping in the chair with his head rested by Mickey’s hands.

Ian didn’t know how much time was passing, but he felt he couldn’t get enough of it with Mickey.  One night while Ian was sitting there, listening to the constant _Beep_ of Mickey heart monitor, he all of a sudden felt defeated. He thought maybe it was time to go home and rest, eat and then come back, but he still didn’t want to leave his side unless something happened and he wasn’t here.  So instead of leaving, Ian decided to talk to talk to him, hoping that he would hear.

He began “Hey Mick…I don’t know if you can hear me or not” Ian automatically felt stupid but he continued anyways “But if you can than maybe you can listen and wake up?” that was a long shot but Ian couldn’t do anything else but beg and hope that he would come out of his coma. “Mandy is really worried about you…” he looked down and tightened his grip on Mickey’s hand, holding it in hopes that Mickey would feel him there. “I’m really worried about you” Ian couldn’t help the tears that were forming in his eyes as he spoke. “You fought so long all your life, can’t you keep fighting just a little? We need you too. Mandy and I really need you too!” he wiped away some of the stray tears from his face. “I barely slept and eaten anything for the past couple weeks…” thinking that was going to change anything he continued. “For the sake of my health Mickey wake the fuck up!!!” He didn’t say it in a mean way, he said it in a ‘last resort’ way. “I’m gonna stay one more night with you Mick… but tomorrow. I have to go home, I’m starting to smell really bad” He laughed a little at his own joke, before resting his head down again not letting go of Mickey hand, still listening the rhythmic sounds of the heart monitor.

 _Beep-_ Ian closed his eyes in hoping to get a little bit of rest, but his mind had been keeping him awake.

 _Beep-_ Ian rubbed his thumb against Mickey’s hand, interlocking his fingers with his.

 _Beep-_ Ian swallowed hard, as if he were holding back any upcoming sobs or tears.

 _Beep-_ Ian felt the hand he was holding tighten around his own.

“Gallagher?” the sound was almost inaudible, and his voice was very laboured. Ian looked up to see Mickey with his eyes open, but still weary and weak. Ian wiped away the stray tears that were forming around his eyes as he stared at Mickey, smiling as if he were one of the happiest people in the world. Ian couldn’t say anything, he was both happy and shocked and still in tears.

With a forced smiled Mickey was the first to speak… “Man, you look like shit” Ian couldn’t help but laugh.


	17. Waking Up for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second last chapter before this series is finished

A baseball bat, out of all the fucking things in the world that could bring Mickey down; he was taken down by a fucking baseball bat. Not completely down however, just out. He’s been shot and attacked on more than one occasion- but it was a fucking baseball bat that took him out for weeks. He hated being in the coma, he hated being in the dark for such a long period of time and finding no way to get out. He hated not being able to tell the difference between dreaming and reality because both were dark. He didn’t know how he did it, it all felt way too unreal but Mickey finally regained his consciousness and woke up from his coma. He saw Ian sitting by his bead with his head down and sobbing into his hand.

“Gallagher?” He asked hoarsely, still not having enough energy to speak. Ian looked up and he looked like he hadn’t showered, eaten or stopped crying for days. Mickey didn’t mind, hell he got a lot dirtier than Ian but he couldn’t help the next words that came out of his mouth. “Man, you look like shit” his words came out laboured as if it were taking all his energy to speak. He forced a smile when Ian responded with laughter, he was happy to have been waking up beside the red head for what felt like the first time. Mickey couldn’t tell if the tears coming from Ian were happy or sad and that made tears well up in his own eyes. Though he wasn’t able to admit it before, he couldn’t help but think _How the hell did I find someone like you, firecrotch_. There were no words to explain how much Ian meant to him, though he would admit his love in snide comments and rude remarks, but Ian would still know how he felt.

“About fucking time Mick!” Ian said sounding relieved. “Thought you were never gonna wake up” And that was true, the internal bleeding that Mickey suffered was pretty severe and the outcome could have been fatal if he didn’t get the help he needed in time. Ian grabbed his phone from his pocket and started dialling. “MANDY! Mandy get to the hospital right now, He’s awake!” Mickey rolled his eyes expecting a big mushy family reunion that he wasn’t prepared for. He just woke up for Christ sakes, why can’t he just be left alone?

About an hour or so later Mandy walked in with a brown paper bag similar to the one Lip brought Ian, it was filled stained with grease and Mickey knew right away that she brought burgers. “Hospital food fucking sucks thought you two would enjoy some real food!” Ian’s hunger gave in and he grabbed one of the burgers and savagely ate it. Mickey couldn’t move very much so he couldn’t eat, but he really wanted one of the burgers. The smell of the food was intoxicating, like he hasn’t smelled something so good in weeks, reluctantly he refused the burger. The mild atrophy let Mickey feel weak, his muscles seemed tightened but he was sure it would go away in a couple days. Mickey liked that two of the most important people in his life were with there with him, but Mandy thought it be best if she and Ian go home and sleep and come back in the morning. Ian didn’t want to leave Mickey there but Mickey agreed that Ian should leave and take care of himself.

The following days were similar, and every day that passed he felt himself get stronger and within a week he was finally able to speak and move around- though the doctors needed him to stick around for more tests and cat scans. Ian came by everyday bringing him food and spending as much time as he could with him.

“Jesus Gallagher don’t you have a life?” Mickey asked “I can take care of myself you know” He would say stubbornly. Ian would just laugh at his comments.

“I’m sure Linda can handle the Kash ’N’ Grab while I’m here, she understands”

“She understands that I’m perfectly fine, and that I don’t need help. The doctors don’t know what they’re talking about. If I have to spend one more night here I’m gonna fucking lose it”

“Mick, you may be fine now but you weren’t before. The doctors are just trying to make sure you’re okay. I don’t want to have to go through that again- ever”

“No one asked you to stay and watch. I’m fucking fine. I’m walking, I’m talking and I’m ready to find those fuckers who did this to Mandy and kill them”

Ian looked at Mickey and decided its best he tell him what happened after Mickey passed out “Mickey you won’t ever have to deal with them again” he began. “The police reported everything as self defense, and Lou is gonna be in Jail for a really long time”

This shocked Mickey, usually he dealt with people who messed with him on his own, not the Gallagher’s- certainly not the police either. “There were four guys there Gallagher not just that scum-bag Lou. You said that Lou’s in jail? What about the other three?”

“Turns out Lou was wanted in several different states for Rape and battery charges, he’s not getting charged for any of this because there were casualties on both sides. Guess the police don’t really take that much interest on these kinds of incidents, especially since they’re so regular on the Southside” Ian felt his face gets flushed with anger before he told him the rest of the story. “And as for the other three… well… they’re all hospitalized. I overheard the doctors say that one may be brain-dead, that’s the one I hurt the most- he had the gun. As for the other two I’m not sure… But I do know if they ever come around you or Mandy again I will kill them with my bare hands… Mick, if you didn’t make it out of this alive, they would have already been dead by now… I know I would do this because I was really close when I saw you lying on the ground helpless, I never seen you like that- Not once. I was ready to finish them, I would have done it so easily too” Something in Ian’s voice told him that he wasn’t joking; there was a sense of built up anger and pain that felt all too familiar to Mickey. Maybe he learned this from the army but Ian was lethal, and almost killed three men with his own hands; Mickey didn’t know if it was to be admired or to be feared. Ian was never weak, he may have been gay, and overly caring and loving- but when it came down to keeping up with Mickey- Ian was one of the most fearless people he’s ever met.

“You know you don’t have to do that Fire-crotch” Mickey said, taking in everything that Ian just said “You don’t have to do that for me, and you didn’t have to stay…” Ian was about to interrupt but Mickey stopped him before he could. “But I’m glad you did” Mickey gave him a smile, he was happy to have Gallagher here and decided that if anybody was gonna have his heart; it might as well be him. He was never good at talking about his feelings so he quickly changed the subject before one of them proposed or something. “So uh… how about breakin’ me out of here?” Ian looked at him with a suspicious look “Common, don’t look at me like that. You heard the doctors I’m fine, I’m just their guinie pig now there’s nothing abnormal about any of the tests, so let’s just go” Ian looked at Mickey once more and knew that if he wasn’t going to help him, he would just find a way to do it himself.

 Mickey smiled a mischievous smile, one Ian hasn’t seen in a while and a mischievous smile of his own spread across his face.

“Alright… Lets go”


	18. This Is The Beginning Of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of the Empty Spaces Series. Hope you all enjoy. I think some of it is a little rushed, but I tried to get as much as I could in with this chapter. Hope you all enjoy it

This was strange. Mickey waking up to Ian curled up to him was strange. Sure Mickey was the bottom 99 percent of the time, but Mickey found that he was the one holding the red head, not the other way around. Thinking back at all the different men in New York, he never once cuddled them not even let them spend the night- it was one of his biggest rules. Although in New York he was always doing the fucking, he never took it up the ass from any of the stray men he brought home. He thought about his little dingy apartment back in New York, and thinking about it now it reflected a big part of who he was. It was empty, rundown, and not very liveable- Just like Mickey. When he lived there he knew that no matter how drunk he got, how much money he had or how ‘stable’ he was, he was never a completely whole person. At the time he hated the fact that Mandy came out of nowhere and ruined his new life, but now he knows that having his sister come back into his life was one of the best things to ever have happen to him.

So much has changed in the last 4 and a half years- somehow everything happened so fast, but so slow at the same time. Mickey, Ian and Mandy were no longer teenagers but officially adults now; yet Mickey feels as if he had been the same age ever since he could remember. Growing up on the Southside meant growing up way to fast.  Making all the impossible decisions at such a young age, seeing the things they seen at such a young age, heartbreaks, death and poverty; Mickey was only 22 and there wasn’t anything in the world that could shock him anymore. Most people his age were going to college or getting jobs- not moving away to a big city, taking down club owners, mourning the loss of ex-wives and incarcerated parents. He’s seen more than he needed to in the last 22 years of his life and he didn’t need to see anymore. Nothing was ever going to be normal for Mickey, but it wasn’t too late to try to start having a semi normal life. He never thought so before, but now with Ian and Mandy he knows for certain that he deserves one- so do they.

Thinking back at the near death experiences that he’s faced in his life-time he finally figured it was best to live his life the way he wanted to. He squeezed his arm tighter around the red-haired boy who lazily mumbled something; he couldn’t help but feel the impact of the wholeness he felt. He looked down at the sleeping boy and rubbed his hand up and down his back waking him up.

“What time is it?”  Ian mumbled still groggy and still sleep.

“Around noon” Mickey responded still looking down at Ian.

“Why are you up? Go back to bed Mick…” Mickey couldn’t help but smile because normally that’s what he would’ve done but he couldn’t, so instead he got up from the bed and put on his boxers and grabbed his pack of smokes. Ian suddenly felt the shift and immediately woke up. “Where you goin?”

“Go back to bed Gallagher, I’ll just be out in the living room.” Ian scrunched his face in disapproval before finally agreeing.

Mickey stood out in his living room, he looked at the mess of the living room and figured it would take him forever to clean it up. It wasn’t too long before Ian joined him standing beside him in the mess.

“I’ll help you clean it up” Ian said stifling a yawn. “But can we get more sleep first?” Ian walked away and tugged Mickey to follow, Instead Mickey brushed him off and reached for a cigarette. He knew Mickey was deep in thought so he decided to stay with him just in case he wanted to talk. “What’s up?” asked Ian now who seemed to be fully aware of Mickey’s concentrative state.

“Ever think of just leaving the Southside?” Mickey asked.

“You mean like joining the army, or moving away to New York?” Ian didn’t like where this was going.

“No, not like that. I’m just…. I don’t know… I guess I’m just sick of running, but I think that the Southside has nothing left for me” He didn’t notice that he was almost finished his smoke before putting it out on a broken piece of glass on the floor. “After all of this don’t you think it’s time to move on?” Now Ian really didn’t like where this is going.

“What are you trying to say Mick? Are you trying to say you want to leave again?” Ian grabbed Mickey by his shoulder so they stood face to face. “You’re gonna tell me after everything that just happened, you want to run away again?” Mickey shrugged his shoulders lighting another smoke.

“Not running away, just moving on”

“What the fuck is the difference?” Ian was getting infuriated with the way this conversation was going. “If you’re gonna leave then tell me right now before you waste anymore of my time” Mickey looked Ian straight in the eye again.

“I’m leaving” Ian turned around and paced back and forth wiping tears from his eyes, hoping that Mickey didn’t see. Before Ian could say anything Mickey finished his thought “I’m leaving… I’m hoping that you come with me?” Ian stopped in his tracks; he looked at Mickey with a questioning look.

Mickey continued “Think about it Gallagher, look where we are. This house isn’t a home, this has never been a home- no matter how much me and Mandy clean it, this will never be a good home for either of us, we need to find a place and just.. I don’t know… start over” Ian thought about this for a couple minutes, really thought about what Mickey just said.

“And you want me to go with you?” Ian asked and Mickey nodded.

“Yeah I mean, us being together or whatever, that’s what you always wanted right?” Mickey asked

“Well of course, look at everything that happened in the past couple weeks. I broke up with Aaron for you. I almost killed men for you. Obviously I want to be with you, but you should know that what you’re saying is that you want to be with me too… like actually committing to me, not just dragging me along as a fuck buddy. If I go with you, I’m gonna be with you. Out in the open, I’m your boyfriend, no more fucking around with other people, actually being together as a couple being with you… You sure you want that?”

Mickey smiled and grabbed Ian’s face and pulled him close. He kissed him passionately and forcefully before reluctantly pulling away.

“I can’t make any promises. You know as well as me that shit changes over the years- but I know that if there’s anybody I want with me it’s you…” Ian thought about this again, he knew that he was telling the truth, but the thought of everything Mickey was saying was scary- but also the words he’s been dying to hear ever since they first hooked up years ago.

“What about Mandy?” asked Ian.

“Of course she’s gonna come with us”

“I have my family to think about as well…” Mickey didn’t think that part through, gave him a disappointed look but didn’t say anything.

 “Common Mick, don’t guilt me. I have my family, after everything with Mandy you should understand that”

“I understand…” Mickey didn’t want elaborate, he didn’t want to say anything because he could feel his voice cracking up.

Ian thought more about this, he didn’t know what to say. Sure he had his family, but this is what adults do when they get older right? They move on, start lives of their own. The house didn’t need him anymore; Debbie and Carl were old enough to help out. It was a tough choice to choose between family and the guy he loved; which was why his answer was even harder.

“Alright…” Ian replied. “Alright, I’ll go” Mickey spun around shocked, he thought for sure he was going to say no, the Gallagher family dynamics were really strong. He thought for sure he would much rather stay here with them “But we have to come back and visit okay? That’s my one demand” Mickey normally had a tough persona, but he couldn’t help the excitement he was feeling- that finally he and Ian could be together. That he and Mandy could finally be a normal(er) family than the fucked up one they had before. Mickey grabbed Ian and kissed him passionately again… He pulled back from the kiss

Mickey took a look around the house, he looked at the mess, he suddenly felt haunted by all the memories this house possessed and turned back to Ian “There’s still one more thing I wanna do before we leave…” He woke up Mandy from her bedroom, and told her the plan. He didn’t think she would go for it but she agreed to everything almost instantly.

…..

Later in the evening when everything was packed up and in the car, Mickey, Mandy and Ian all stood across the street from the Milkovich house- along with the rest of the Gallagher’s. Mickey looked at his sister who could keep her eyes off the house. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked. She turned over to her brother and nodded.

“Do it…” she demanded. Ian was busy hugging his family goodbye promising he would write, and come by for the holidays. Mickey didn’t want to interrupt them so he listened to his sister and ran across the street to the house. He took one last look back over to his sister who was watching intently.

When she reaffirmed her earlier words he lit a match and threw it on the front porch, the front porch doused with gasoline. Within minutes the porch ignited and the flames rose higher and higher. Mickey ran back across the street to watch the house quickly go up in flames. He looked at Mandy who was watching intently never letting her eyes off the dancing flames, there was a look in her eyes, one that he recognized because he knew exactly what she was looking at.

He turned his attention back to the flaming house. He as well as Mandy sees years of bad memories and pain burst into flames. He heard the screaming of the ghosts and memories that lingered in that house be burnt alive. This was his last fight, his last punch to the demons that he had been facing all his life. This was him finally saying a last FUCK YOU to everything that had gone wrong in the past. He couldn’t help but smile, a sinister smile, a shit eating grin of victory because out of all the fights Mickey had been in- this is the one he truly won.

He felt a hand grab him by the side, when he looked over he seen Ian standing next to him. “We should get out of here, before the police start questioning us for arson” Mickey agreed, he was right. Before he could turn around to the car he felt someone tug him, he turned around and it was Ian’s older sister Fiona. She grabbed him and hugged him, something that he wasn’t used to in the least.

“You take good care of him okay?” she said with a cracked up voice. “You and Mandy are welcome back at the house anytime you guys come back and visit” with that, she let go and patted his cheek lightly before turning to Ian for one last goodbye. Mandy was still hugging Debbie, who seemed devasted that both Ian and Mandy were leaving again- but she was reassured that they would come back. Mickey was about to get into the car and looked back to tell Mandy and Ian it was time to go. He seen then head toward the car, but what he had expected was another familiar face; Ian’s brother Lip. Mickey and Lip never really got along, and knew he didn’t approve of their relationship but when he seen him now Lip nodded his head in approval and understanding- Mickey responded back with the same nod, telling Lip that he was gonna take good care of his little brother.

When they were driving away Mickey, Mandy and Ian took one last look at the now blazing inferno- knowing that they made the right choice in leaving. Mickey couldn’t help but think to himself _this is the beginning of the end_ as they headed out to start their new lives- somewhere far away from the southside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this series. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support, and thank you to those who have read this. I know there are some spelling errors and ill go back to fix them shortly. I can't express enough how much it means to be able to come onto a site like this and express my creativity with other talented writers and authors. You guy's are amazing! Keep an eye out for some other stuff of mine, and I cant wait to read what you guy's come up with!!! -C


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